Cigarette Tax Would Fund Firing Squads

(Lake City) A proposed cigarette tax would help defer the cost of providing regional firing squads, according to anti-smoking advocate Senator Oral Noise. The honorable politician made this statement while hunting in Hinsdale County yesterday.
Most of the revenue collected through taxation would go directly for the squads,” said Noise, “with about 40 percent easily gobbled up by administrative cost. We feel that this plan earmarks the funds for one specific purpose and does not place the money in a cookie jar pork barrel accessed by too fingers.”
Noise did not comment on the further disbursement of taxes, saying that he would wait until after the election to elaborate on the matter.
Firing squads are employed by many law enforcement agencies across the state, and due to the traditional last minute ritual, have been associated with smoking for centuries.
“We don’t know how the public will react to this gesture,” smiled Toole, “or who might benefit from the suggested reapportionment.