All Entries in the "Lifestyles at Risk" Category
China authorizes coast guard to fire on Covid-19 virus
(Shanghai) The Chinese military has been given the green light to respond to suspected viruses in coastal waters today. Top brass here confirmed that missiles, torpedoes and artillery would be employed if foreign viruses breech the territorial waters of China.
Despite the reality that these zones are ever-changing and always disputed the development ads more fuel to the fire that has scorched diplomatic attempts at any solution since the 80s.
Meanwhile neighboring nations, such as Vietnam, have had far more success in dealing with Covid-19. China, along with the US, clearly botched early efforts to control the disease. Within the established culture of untruths and both countries have suffered the most when, according to leading health experts, the gruesome impact might have been diminished.
With many leaders the impulse to lie overwhelms the logic of telling the truth from the beginning. It is learned behavior and works very well as people from both Superpowers drift further and further into ignorance and lethargy.
Next Time: Our simulated economy could be overheating but will it melt Wall Street glaciers?
Dall Moon Welcomes April
Bighorn sheep cluster up and moon motorists north of Ouray yesterday while simultaneously munching on new green that is popping up everywhere!
Lassie “Man in dog suit” says co-star
(Hollywood) The much beloved collie, that played Lassie in the popular TV drama, was actually not a dog at all, but a man in a dog suit, according to the show’s co-star, known only as Billy.
The clever fur disguise, which fooled millions of children back in the Fifties, was, according to the fugitive child star, a creation of a studio prop contingent that has mysteriously disappeared over the years. Despite a string of investigations their fate remains unclear. Relatives petitioned the police to continue the investigation into the strange disappearances but it was officially closed in 1973, the smell of foul play lingering in the air.
Billy has been under the protection of the federal gov’ment following testimony against Communist infiltrators in the infant TV industry. Many of the alleged un-American targets were later blacklisted. Accusations that cartoons were not real and that Black Beauty was actually a gelding all but overhauled early TV, and set precedent as to content for the next decade.
“If the forces of anarchy get a hold of Billy, now 60, it could be a blood bath,” said one television policeman. “We’re just proud of him for having the guts to tell the truth.”
– Rocky Flats
buttload: (obsolete, Britain, West Country) A regional English measure of capacity of a heavy cart (a butt), containing 6 seams, or 48 bushels, equivalent to 384 gallons.
THE COOMEEN WELL
“Indeed it is rare for an Irishman to tell a story. About as rare as the sky meeting the sea.”
– Judith Garibaldi O’Toole, St Patrick’s Day 1923.
Michael was a wealthy young man, a favorite of the village and the faeries since birth when the blessings of the ancient gods were visible to the Tuatha De Danann. Even the Druids took notice of someone out of their realm for a change, consistently nodding their stark approval. When his father passed back in January he was intercepted after the funeral by several of the elders. Did Da talk of the well, lad, or did he plan to take the secret to his grave?
“I know nothing of the well,” smiled Michael. “Da never spoke of it. He took me there once but would not let me look down it. He said unfriendly spirits dwelt there and that was all. “Stay clear!” he had said. He dropped a small spittoon down the well to further dissuade any future embarkations on my part. We listened hard for it to hit. Then we went to the pub.”
Soon Michael began thinking about the Coomeen Well. Why were these men so concerned, almost frightened?
“Some say it is enchanted and that the faeries will push a mortal down into the dark shaft just for the fun of hearing him hit bottom,” he told his sister Maureen, who was having none of it. “I’ll be passing the well this afternoon. Can I bring you anything?”
“Bring back some sense if you can,” she ripped. “since you don’t seem to have much of it.”
Michael laughed her off saying “I am a favorite” protected from the banshee and even the troll under the bridge. “The wee people love me and no harm can befall a favorite of the leprechauns. My life is blessed.”
He walked home that afternoon along the bogs and the east estuary where he turned down a steep path toward the well. It was quiet and starting to rain when he began to smell the seaweed, the primrose, and the mossy rock that went on forever, across the beach, then darted up over emerald hills through eyebright and blackthorn. He was there…at their wicked well. All appeared quite peaceful.
“Who goes there?” said a low voice from in the ground
“It is Michael, a friend to the Danann.”
“We have no friends. Go away.”
“I will not. I am a favorite of the Danann.”
The little man was red-faced, freckled and stuck in the well just a few feet from the surface. He appeared exhausted. It was clear that he could easily be rescued with a stout pull or two but first he had to make sure whom he was dealing with on this misty afternoon.
“What will you do for me if I pull you up?” asked Michael.
“I don’t need your help,” said the voice in the well. I am happy down here.”
“How is that possible? It is dark, wet and slippery. You must be mad.”
“No I am happy. Come and take a look for yourself.”
‘Michael moved closer, careful to keep some space between himself and the rock chamber.
“I will gladly pull you up sir but what will be my reward?” he asked knowing the wee people could be clever and adept at twisting fantasy into reality.
“Gold! All of you humans would sell your souls for a pound of gold. I shall make you a rich man this very day.”
Michael moved to the circle of rock that crested the shaft and looked down into the darkness.
“But I am already rich. Nonetheless I shall rescue you and you will give me gold to make me even richer.”
“That’s right,” said the voice from the well.”
Michael’s grave near Castletown-Bearhaven
Michael reached down to pull the man up and found himself swiftly yanked into the well, falling and falling to the sound of laughter. He was jerked so smoothly and violently that his boots remained on the ground, transfixed. Next to them, according to the lies and truth, was his father’s spittoon crammed full of gold coins The magic treasure soon surfaced at the pub, growing lighter by the hour, with the remainder of the loot going to the poor.
No one on in Castletown-Bearhaven ever saw Michael again. Every so often a loved one carefully throws flowers down the well, thinking of the young man and his harrowing departure.
Only a small sign on the well memorializes “a favorite of the faeries”. It reads: Niether a bhrú ná a tharraingt má tá tú lán buicéad that translates as Neither push or pull if your bucket is full.
Others watch the well from up high – sometimes wrapped in the coat of a lamb, caked with sand or even in the dress of Cliodhna…Intruders are pushed into the well by the faeries more than we realize. The pucas in the dark prefer to torment England’s idle rich and tourists from America bragging on their Irish roots.
– Leopold Bloom
UAE Pilgrims Procure Plot on Mars
(Utopia Basin) Astronauts from the United Arab Emirates have reportedly raised that nation’s flag on a small strip of Martian land about the size of Manhattan Island. The property, purchased for some trinkets and 30 pieces of silver, runs from Isidis Basin through volcanoes, craters and mounds of red dust to Hellas Basin in the Southern Highlands.
Despite the perceived absence of fresh water in the Martian ecosystem early arrivals hope that salt water may be present.
“Our acquisition offers protection from dust storms and a very good harbor from which to continue our exploration and dominate weaker alien life,” said Conor Sturgeon, who spent 2 months orbiting the Red Planet late last year. “My virgin flight that was suppose to cover the 300 million miles in several weeks stretched into ten times that amount leaving me with nothing to eat but frozen tamales and Grape Tang.”
“Boredom was my biggest enemy. I counted stars. I watched John Wayne movies. I missed my dog terribly. I read everything I could get my thumbs on. Reading is a challenge in weightlessness. You just put the book down for a moment and it’s gone. It’s tough enough to locate books in English in the backcountry of South America. Try finding English titles in outer space?” he said. “It’s next to impossible.”
The first UAE spacecraft reached the Martian orbit last month marking the first time a Middle Eastern country staked out a scientific presence in the region. The primary mission was to study the planet’s atmosphere and climate but the space crew couldn’t pass up the rock bottom cost of real estate, reminiscent of America’s Rust Belt in the 80s.
“We’re looking at putting up 7000 condos over at Noachis Terra on our next voyage,” said one astronaut, “and the construction of a state-of-the-art performance center to be christened Chryse Planitia in honor of Venetian soap opera star and love goddess who choked to death on a pastrami sandwich in 2018.
The earthlings await tons of survival equipment that is expected to make its descent on Friday (Saturday on Mars). The cargo includes daily requirements of freeze-dried guilt laced with fear-based philosophies, plastic water bottles and life-ending weaponry.
– Syd Fahrdt
Carbon Footprints Suggest Homeless Had No Shoes in 5000 BC
(Sandlfoote, CO) Impressions of what appear to be post-Neanderthal feet have led scientists here to believe that early Homo Sapiens too were hard-pressed securing food, surviving freezing caves and avoiding predators to worry much about their .
“Actually we have yet to determine exactly who was homeless and who was simply en route or wandering around looking for dinner,” said Dr. Efram Pennywhistle, Fellow at Cal Polygamy. “Maybe shoes had not been invented yet which would certainly throw off our DNA test cases. Animal skins that work well to cover the legs and torso are of little use on the feet since they are clumsy and offer little shelf life do to harsh planetary surfaces,” he explained. “And what about the proverbial gatherers?”
The footprint samples collected, stretching from Finland to Gibraltar, number in the thousands and scientists are scurrying to chronicle movements and label superstitions in an attempt to provide this meaningless information to progressive cobblers and generations to come.
Many eons later the only group to possess shoes appears to be churchmen of the day. The shoes were an integral part in their wading through the multitude of holidays that they subsequently stole from the pagans, tweaked a bit, and established as the Christian holidays we know today. Then came the Dark Ages with the loss of freedom and the embrace of the inherent goodness of man.
“They even stole ancient gods and goddesses and changed them into their formula saints and the like,” said Pennywhistle. This was expedient and often much cheaper than establishing new religious icons of their own.”
Whether these “early junior executives” of the Vatican Corporation had shoes is as yet inconclusive.”
-Alfalfa Romero
“When the tree falls the monkeys will scatter.“ – Chinese saying from House of Xiao, 1816. Metaphorically referring to institutions, families, governments, good and bad.
