All Entries in the "Fractured Opinion" Category
Bad rosin bags blamed for losses
(Denver Rockies Sideline Report September 23, 2016))
Decomposed, often spoiled rosin bags handled by the Colorado Rockies’ relief staff are being blamed for a string of blown saves at Coors Field.
The bags, filled with powdered resin from pine trees, are designed to enhance a pitcher’s performance while on the mound. However, according to baseball experts “the employment of rancid or bad rosin can have adverse effects causing inconsistencies, lack of concentration and general wildness on the part of otherwise stable hurlers.”
The problem, says the front office “is particularly acute in the later innings when relief pitchers are most active especially when afternoon heat or evening shadows come into play.”
Officials within the Rockies’ organization have been searching for some explanation as to poor pitching performances of late which have all but taken the club out of contention before the All-Star Break. Plans to secure new rosin bags are in the works but with plummeting attendance figures and a demanding payroll it will be weeks before they can be secured. Selling advertising space on the bases and charging extra for mustard at the hot dog stand has been discouraged by the league and can’t relied upon to provide new revenues.
Asked why the presence of bad rosin bags has not resulted in a breakdown in opposing bullpens, a Rockies’ spokesman said he was looking into that.
“Maybe they bring their own,” he said, “or loading up the ball with chew or some other controlled substance when the umpire isn’t looking.”
“I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.” – Nancy Mitford
Autumn Golf Update
Here in the Rockies it’s all about elevation come fall. Dos Rios is exceptional through most of October while Moab just hits the pinnacle in early November. Cedaredge is fine through November and Bridges is quite enjoyable then too.
Dos Rios: If you see a bear don’t laugh at his backswing. Spectacular days cooling are off at sundown. Lovely course made even more serene by the low population density this time of the year. Excellent kitchen and bar make this a paradise for linkers. Gunnison 641-
Cedaredge: Perhaps the best time to play is September-October, as the desert can get a little warm in June and July. Tight, creative fairways meet quiet streams and challenging greens, bathed in the luxurious Indian summer. Excellent kitchen and bar round off a very positive golfing experience.
Bridges: A premier spot that would be inaccessible if located in a large urban area. Versatile course offering every joy and hazard. Weather generally good through early November. Open depending on the temperature and conditions. Another fine restaurant and views that make it special indeed.
Moab: Beautiful red cliffs and canyons are only the beginning of the 18-hole masterpiece highlighted by the proverbial winds of winter that will be blowing elsewhere (at least through the December). Great time to enjoy the slower pace in town and on the greens.
STUDENT BODY AMONG NATION’S CLEAN CUT
(Harvard-on-Tomichi School Daze September 12, 2016)
The current enrollment at Western State College is among the nation’s elite, at least in one catagory. According to a just published report in College Material, a self-described guide for prospective scholastic icons, Western State students finished just under those at William and Mary in the magazine’s Most Clean Cut rankings.
Other colleges and universities listed in the black with regards to general cleanliness and purity included Oral Roberts University, Pepperdine, Georgetown, BYU, North Dakota Teacher’s, West Point, Sarah Lawrence, New Hebron Barber College, the Air Force Academy, the Naval Academy and Brown. Those mentioned at the bottom of the roster were Cal Berkley, NYU, University of Wisconsin, Fresno Embalming State, Yale, University of Nevada Las Vegas, Fort Lewis College and the University of Colorado.
Judgment was based on such considerations as personal hygiene, body piercing, hair length, adherence to current fashion, automobiles, taste in partners, recreational pursuits and diet. Agricultural schools, including culinary institutes were not included in the poll.
Here student reaction was mixed with one freshman saying that he thought the standing gave the school more credibility and the rest of the student body slightly embarrassed.
“We’re trying to be as hip as possible and shed this clean cut image,” offered one coed. “It’s just difficult haround here with all the positive influences.”
Another college senior, who said he burned all his ties and adopted a surly attitude while a sophomore, told The Horseshoe that their was nothing avant garde about a little dirt under the fingernails or a mop of greasy hair.
“At the same time I can’t recall very many of the world’s great thinkers posed in the bathtub,” he mused, “with the possible exception of Jean Paul Marat, and we all know what happened to him, or do we?”
– Susie Compost
September in the San Juans
Photo by Delinda Austin
Rockies’ scouts in Gaza in search of relief pitching
(West Bank) Sticks and Stoned September , 2016)
The Colorado Rockies front office has sent a company of scouts to the often-embattled Gaza Strip this week in hopes of signing a few short relief pitchers. The preponderance of strong young arms in the region coupled with a chronic lack of opportunity has created a buyer’s market there.
“Many of these potential hurlers stare down tanks and assault weaponry armed only with rocks,” said Emile Turlo, a former coach for the Asheville Tourists who now makes a living developing new talent. “Constant violence and desperate economic conditions here have created a glut of raw players far more comfortable with the a soccer ball than a baseball.”
Turlo confirmed reports that his team would not be looking at Israelis to fill the void on its pitching staff.
“They are too busy building new settlements on Palestinian land to play at sandlot assimilations,” said Turlo. “It’s pretty tough establishing a curve ball with a rock, especially when one is lugging around an AK-47.”
– Kashmir Horseshoe
