Canned Laughter Pulled From Shelves

(Ridgway) Grocery stores and supermarkets will begin pulling canned laughter from their shelves Monday as part of the Federal Uniformity Act, passed late last night.

The presence of the canned laughter, once considered an integral part of Americana, has been determined to be far too diverse for the consumer. The mandatory removal will be followed up by the release of more uniform entertainment response apparatus aimed at making the citizenry more alert to the dangers posed by foreign comics and those who seek to bring down the present gov’ment.

“It’s all about perception,” said one grocer who supports the effort. “We still have frozen chuckles and freeze-dried smirks for the die-hard. We’d like to see a populace who could decide when to laugh and what to laugh about. Isn’t that the core of Democracy?”

Persons hoping to stockpile canned laughter for the winter have until the weekend to do so. Quantities are limited.   – Melvin Toole