Author Archive for M. Toole

Reminds me off The Great Gatsby

“…it is simply impossible to listen to Trump and Vance without being reminded of Nick Carraway’s famous observation about Tom and Daisy Buchanan in “The Great Gatsby”: “They were careless people, Tom and Daisy — they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”

– Referenced by  Thomas Friedman, NY Times

Sadly, the very people that should read this book and take it to heart, do not read. They watch television and get dumber and dumber by generation. A democracy cannot survive in the face of this digression.

I probably shouldn’t be telling you this but…

There is this magic island. No cruise ships, no golf, no television, no umbrellas on the beach. Natural island life without the hoards, the yachts, without the traffic, just  fresh fish for lunch and reggae at dusk. Authentic delights of the Caribbean without the plague of trampling tourism. Just rolling green hills and peaceful, winding island roads taking one from beach to beach.

It’s called Providencia or Old Providence – It’s deliriously beautiful, drifty and breezy. Coconut palms, Indian corral, mango are indigenous, and Ceiba trees flourish up on the mountain, post hurricane.  Volcanic rock, unlike it’s bigger and noisier neighbor San Andres, which is coral and a drooling example of mindless tourism.

After the November, 2020 hurricane everything must be brought in except the sand. Even the coconuts are struggling to make a return.  But the fish are still here. What a time to go to this chilled island and what a better time to spend a few dollars with these mellow people whose world just recently collided with near devastation. The big news: Providencia is back.

The island is increasingly vulnerable to hurricanes and climate change. Over 2000 homes were destroyed by Iota and the government response was typical. Rebuild what were once classic structures with cheap housing that all looks the same. The lodging, however, has come a long way toward reclaiming Eden.

“The hurricane only lasted a few hours and destroyed the lives of many residents,’ said Wily Robinson, a fisherman who has seen over 4 such storms in his 68 years on Providencia. “The government went through the motions of helping us but in the end dropped the ball one again.”

He added that the Colombian government would rather they weren’t here. The people are more closely linked to Jamaica, some 600 sea miles away. Jamaican Patois,  is likely to be heard far more than Spanish or English.

And last night I found what I believe to be the legendary Catbird Seat of 30’s radio sportscaster Red Barber and humorist James Thurber. It was located on the falling away porch of the Sunrise Vista, a small barraca bar perched precariously seaside at Rocky Point. If this ain’t the famous Catbird Seat then it is easily the Caribbean Catbird Seat.

The Caribbean, just below the Catbird Seat

“Lean over too far and you’ll crash off yonder rocks and end up in the sea, said a fisherman and world traveller named Michael. You’d take this rickety old couch with you too! Let’s go for a ride on my boat instead. I’ll need a hand if the engine craps out…There’s Wahoo and Yellow fin tuna off in deep water just waiting for us pay them a visit.”

After countless pulls and a few quiet curses the engine starts and here we go…Michael knows what he’s doing. We take a spin to try the engine and soon it runs smoothly. Tomorrow he will head out on open water toward Jamaica in search of his catch. After a few more turns I must leave to have dinner at my friend, Idonna’s, who just could be the finest chef on the island. She might be cooking Red Snapper, Grouper or Barracuda or maybe she’s grilling Horse-eye Jack. They all live in the waters near the island.

She promised Black Crab Soup but we ran short of time and I had to settle for a bowl of the iconic Providencia delicacy elsewhere at Divino Nino at Southwest Bay. Her Rondon, a seafood and pork stew with root vegetables is known all the way to Panama. She vowed to make the dish for me when I return to the island in 2027.

In Providencia – sweet food doesn’t have anything to do with sugar it means homemade and delicious. Grilled fresh Pompano,  patacones, coconut rice and ice-cold Aguila beer make the statement on the pretty wooden porch or at a table in the sand.

YES, we have no bananas

Lo siento pero no hay mangos hasta el barco llega de San Andres viernes.

Ah yes the proverbial Friday boat.

Mangos are harder to come by here, when years ago they ruled the place in abundance.

“Come back Friday in the morning,” she said in a mix of Patois, Spanish and English.

I left the little store disappointed. I climbed into my Mule and started the engine intent on purveying a fat little papaya or even a slice of pineapple. Then I heard her yell—

Wait! I found two!” She came running out of her store…

I very had secured the last 2 mangos on Providencia!

She was happy. I was happy. I offered her one of the mangos but she said she could wait unto her ship comes in from San Andres. For a moment in time we were both in mango heaven.

The last 2 mangoes till Friday. Wow! I guess I should feel guilty but I still don’t. I was so jealous of my pillaging the I went back to Rocky Point and ate one entire Mango with a few shots of rum and a can of beanie weenies that I jumped on while in town. Just because one is visiting an exotic culture does not mean he should skimp on healthy repasts.

Damn these people are big. It’s a damn good thing they are smiling most of the time. My host at Posada Ashanty, Killy was 6’4 and at least 230. Uncle Cab driver was big and skinny at the same time. Wily was big too as I recall. Even the Rastas were giants, and why shouldn’t they be.

Lovely Caribbean people——Musicians, pescaderos, exceptional diving and snorkeling, semi-guided fishing trips, ridiculous sunrises and sunsets, excellent food and music. Another paradise to see, feel and remember forever. The notorious English pirate Henry Morgan, would agree. He claimed sister island, Santa Catalina, as his redoubt for more than 20 years. It is said there is buried treasure there but no one has found anything. Maybe he took it with him when he passed.

Closer to the Corn Islands of Nicaragua than to the Colombian mainland, fishermen used to pass Las Islas de Maize from Providencia  frequently but today there is no traffic due to disputes of island ownership and chaotic pettiness on the part of both sovereign nations …It’s basically the same Patois, bound by the salty centuries and by the horrific legacy of slavery.

Sadly one of the the last vestiges of traditional life on a Caribbean island – a culture at risk – is threatened. Residents here are keen to preserve it and juggle eco-tourism with daily family life on this rock. Go there and spend your money. The human value is phenomenal while your tarrying footprint is still washed out to sea.

– Kevin Haley

AMERICANS MOST HAPPY WITH CROOK IN WHITE HOUSE

(Special Report The Way Back Press in 1882 )

(Ouray – 1882) According to an extensive survey 68% of American voters feel more comfortable with a crook in the White House than otherwise. With the recent election of Chester A. Arthur to the Presidency voters have confirmed data collected in the study.

     Arthur became President after the assassination of James A. Garfield. A professional politician, Arthur achieved his goals by manipulating the political machine rising to power during a period of widespread dishonesty in every phase of government. Critics even go so far as to accuse Arthur of compliance in the murder.

     He began his rough and tumble political career helping another crook, Republican Edwin D Morgan, become governor of New York for the second time. He was rewarded with an appointment as a general in the New York militia prior to the Civil War. When the war actually began Arthur had a safe and cushy job outfitting the militia for federal service. In 1862 he became state quartermaster general and his personal wealth grew quickly.

     After the war he was appointed Collector for the Port of New York by another honest man, President U.S. Grant. During his tenure he saw to it that party regulars were given the good jobs. They, in turn paid, a percentage of their wages into Republican party campaign funds. Clever.

     After Rutherford B. Hayes became President in 1877 he attempted to control this spoils system that had emerged. He appointed a commission to investigate the New York Customs House and it reported that three officers, including Arthur were neglecting their duties to handle party matters.

     According to Frederick T. Frelinghuysen, Arthur’s Secretary of State, Arthur has never done anything anyone else hadn’t already done.

     “He’s no bigger crook than Grant…or even Hayes,” said Frelinghuysen. “His manipulation and sale of the Brooklyn Bridge will go down in history as “good business”. His renovation of the White House after it was occupied but downright slobs deserves acclaim,” said the secretary. “Just because all of his old buddies are getting rich off the American taxpayer doesn’t make him a bad guy.”

     Many Americans, waking up to the threats from outside interests see a capable President as one who can make a few deals, twist a few wrists. They seem to accept the fact that some graft will occur and ignore hands in the cookie jar. Under all those whiskers they prefer to see their President as a good guy who is deserving of respect.

     “We can’t keep a eye on the Brits and the lid on the Indian situation without someone who can pull a few strings residing in the White House,” explained one voter. “I say let him have at it. If he gets thrown in jail there’s always his vice-President, if he only had one.”

Next Month: Highlights of trump’s conversation with the former President and Late Teddy Roosevelt

“Nobody outside of a judge’s chamber or a baby carriage believes in an unprejudiced point of view’.

– Lillian Hellman

A HIKER’S GUIDE TO HIKERS

     One of the most dangerous threats to hikers on our mountain trails is other hikers. From National Forest to State Park, from Wilderness Area to mountain peak, growing numbers of hiking and backpacking enthusiasts are creating perilous conditions for themselves, for you and for posterity.

     In an actual hiking situation it is essential to identify various types of hikers, so that you might better understand how to interact with them, or get away from them altogether. Avoidance of certain species of incompatible hikers (called trekkers in more anal circles) may save your life or save you from an afternoon of unremitting anguish.

     Learn to spot all kinds of hikers from a safe distance, identify them with rapid-fire accuracy, and be prepared to take evasive action to avoid detection and/or direct contact, “No I don’t want a drink of tepid creek water from your saliva-caked water bottle. I have my own cold water from town sans parasites.”

     Here are some of the more common categories of hikers. The well-rounded outdoorsman will be quick to assimilate these classifications into a early warning system of his own:

The Elegant Hiker

Able to negotiate steep, winding San Juan switchbacks in high heels and a cute tennis skirt the female looks good on short hikes but the make-up fails on the longer jaunts. Characteristic markings: jewelry glittering from the fingers, earlobes and neck along with the perfect unruffled hairstyle are sure to attract predators such as mountain lions and bandits. In some cases the male dons priceless treasures too since he is concerned with plumage and first impressions in the woods. Both ascend and descend the trails as if they were negotiating a grand ballroom staircase (Frankly, Rhett they do give a damn). Head held up high in designer boots, they fail to study the path before them for all kinds of debris both dangerous and simply annoying. These are the kind of people who are appalled by a pile of elk shit but aren’t the least bit offended by miles of parking lot asphalt poured over former pasture, at their local shopping center. NOTE: The Elegant Hiker NEVER ever perspires. In a hiking costume that costs more than a used car, they keep up if it’s not too steep and breathe deep if it’s not too high. Mountain Goats and Bighorn Sheep are safe when one of these comes gingerly up the trail. Bears like the jewelry. These hikers are likely to invite you to party at their condominium and often carry credit cards on their hikes.

The Slob Hiker

The perfect antidote, or anecdote, to the Elegant Hiker. The Slob Hiker is perpetually unshaven, grimy, uncombed and in need of a shower. He or she thinks bad hygiene is compatible with the forest. His gait is heavy, a stomping, assertive, destructive stride patterned after Godzilla or an oil exploration crew. He appears to have just awakened from a long hibernation and smells the part. Trailside wild flowers are often his first victims. White t-shirt and canvas shorts are tinged gray with wear and age. Grease-stained handprints are clearly detected. This type of forest visitor can be identified by a strange call, a hoarse bellowing that sounds tragically like a badger in heat, which could lead to countless tribulations as the hike goes on. He loves to chatter to himself on the trail breaking serenity for others while he points out painfully obvious points of interest. “Look! A pine tree!” or “Look… A rock!” He pees everywhere. This hiker is loaded with spittle which is discharged constantly, leaving signs of his presence embraced by pack rats and deer flies. The Slob Hiker is happy to take your picture or pose for one. Watch your camera.

The Survivalist Hiker

This one would never think of breaking trail without an assault rifle or at least a pistol holstered to the side. High caliber is the key here…not his person but his weaponry. His pack is full of ammo but he has a granola bar hidden away in case of emergency. He carries a knife or bayonet for potential hand-to-hand combat with aggressive alpine creatures or topographic terrorists. Difficult to detect due to a barrage of camouflage that blends well in any environment – be it the Iraq desert, the Congo rain forest, the Rockies or the chic El Lay hip-hop disco, this person carries enough to win whatever competition he has imagined. He has provisions and supplies enough to feed a small militia along with buried emergency rations and backup gear to keep him comfy in the forest for about three years. Then there is the cyanide pill in case he or she is captured. Away from his bunker he is often anxious and clearly nervous when approached. He can be unpredictable and downright ugly when it comes to right-of-way on the trail and electric storms on the ridges. Paranoid people like this should not go into the woods. They should stay home in the cities and suburbs where the secret police can monitor their daily activity. Just because he points a gun at you doesn’t mean it’s loaded.

The Name Brand Hiker

Easily recognized due to his or her resemblance to a pretty  LL Bean or Eddie Bauer model from the respective catalogues, the Name Brand hiker should not be confused with the Elegant Hiker although the species share many common traits. The manufacturers label is always proudly displayed on clothing, footwear, gear, hats and even socks. A T-shirt proclaiming Old Navy, Nike or GAP completes the outfit. Rarely seen on the actual trail, this hiker prefers to stay home and do laundry and shop on the internet. Name Brand hikers also exhibit the best smiles, the best tan, the best canteens, the best dogs and the best cars to take them to the trailhead. Their Day-Glo packs are crammed full of unnecessary but tasteful accessories along with clothing options for any change of weather. These strollers can be easily identified by two unmistakeable traits: They are the only ones wearing fanny packs (apparently nobody has let them in on the joke) and they actually consume boring handfuls of trail mix, chocked full of nuts, seeds, roots, bark, herbs and dried fruit that even the local squirrels and chipmunks won’t eat. Some of these folks are more informed than experienced in that they have read all of the guidebooks and maps but never seem to have time to get into the woods.

The Back-woodsy Hiker

Aka: The Natural, this hearty breed not only tackles the most challenging, death-defying trails and summits but does so with a minimalist demeanor. He or she can spend up to a week in the wild with just a bottle of water, a toothbrush and some crackerjacks. He climbs in flip-flops or barefoot, running circles around the hiker that just spent $300 on some glorified flatland Chinese footwear, made for the mountains. He likes the feel of rocks, pine needles and horse manure on the trail. When he wears a shirt it is a bit of tattered memorabilia from some masochistic triathlon in Leadville or  Maui. If he wears trousers, they are of the cut-off variety with lots of room to hang loose. Not to be confined by packed gear he or she relies solely on wits, finesse and luck. For the evenings the Backwoods species carries a Swiss Army knife, a pair of backup thongs, a few waterproof matches and a boat bag filled with homemade wine. He can then subsist on the trail mix and water all day then let it all hang out in camp by adding a handful of party wine to the fare. With this beverage he can survive another few days, with no serious after-effects, when the crackerjacks and toothpaste run out. Helpful in a tight spot but likely to leave you behind so you can get lost again. Always has the answer, or at least a light.

-Pepper Salte

Fear of Frying

“Artificial Intelligence has no heart, no soul, no sense of humor…the very things that separate humans from lower mammals. We are quite willing to give up our freedoms and happy to take the easier path to the demise of our species as we now know it. It will creep into your bedroom and GET YOU while you sleep!”

Is this building trust in th Mideast?

BETRAYAL OF THE KURDS AT EVERY CORNER.

Why would any group in the Mideast (minus the Israelis) still trust the United States?  Iraqi Shiites vs Saddam Hussein? Afganistan allies? and of course the Kurds. The potentisl for lasting damage quickly accelerates with the a grotesque bully at the helm.

History/Calendar of the US screwing the Kurds

• 1975 – The Kissinger Betrayal:Following encouragement to fight against Baghdad, the U.S. cut off funding to Iraqi Kurds, leaving them to face brutal reprisals from Saddam Hussein.
• 1991 – Post-Gulf War:After calling on the Kurds to rise up against Saddam Hussein, the U.S. stood by as loyalist forces slaughtered thousands of civilians.
• 2017 – Independence Referendum:The U.S. failed to support the Kurdistan Regional Government (KRG) following their 93% vote for independence, allowing Iraqi forces to seize control of disputed areas like Kirkuk.
• 2019 – Syria Withdrawal:The Trump administration announced a withdrawal of U.S. troops from northeastern Syria, allowing a Turkish military offensive against Kurdish fighters who had previously helped the U.S. defeat ISIS.
• The Intercept
+7

Despite these recurring betrayals, the U.S. has occasionally provided crucial support, such as setting up the “no-fly zone” and Operation Provide Comfort to protect Iraqi Kurds in the 1990s. However, the general pattern remains that the Kurds are viewed by the U.S. as convenient, expendable allies rather than long-term partners.

If you are “just sick” of hearing about the US being blamed for so many evils contact your Congressman (Buena suerte con este).

-Lovey Chicharron