Antifa Cells Under Reflecting Pool

Seeking global solidarity, a radical wing of Antifacista is allegedly acquiring an unsettling number of war elephants to use to attack Orange Donald before the midterm elections in November. ICE Agents searching for the elephants, that reportedly  number 4000, say that countless Antifa fighters are hiding them under the waters of Washington’s Reflecting Pool . Political analysts continue to determine how this is connected to the poorly received Chung King and LaChoy jokes spewed by Chump during his recent summit with Xi Jinping In Beijing

The anti-facists, honored by trump as the first homegrown American terrorist group in 250 years. Earlier trump has designated sativa as a terrorist organization only to discover it is a strain of cannabis (aka cannabis sativa).

“We’re digging like madmen,” said one excavationist. “We’ll find them and when we do there’ll be hell to pay.”

Administration sources, detecting yet another opportunity to misguide the American people, told reporters today that the massive $13 million remodel of the Reflecting Pool was being conducted simply to improve the ambience of the place.

And if that’s not enough to ruin their morning coffee, many of the union ballroom builders on the East Wing are registered as Antifa operatives, even though there is no visible infrastructure or indication of a central power base.

When we finish the excavation we’ll know more,” said a sweating White House architect.

“An alarming number of subversive workers on the legacy White House Ballroom are currently sabotaging the basement of Congressional chambers,” gasped the source. “One aging double-agent sous chef allegedly voted for Adlai Stevenson in 1956 while the pastry chef’s ghost uncle served with the Abraham Lincoln Brigade in Spain. (1936-1939) . These commies hate America. We’re watching them closely. We hope to neutralize them.”

It is clear that Antifa is after Trump. One kidnapping was thwarted by FBI, foiled because no one wanted to baby sit the Orange Whale. Antifa scuttlebutt? Maybe not.

“I never really ever saw one of these Antifas but I am sure they are everywhere,” said a trump supporter.

“This is a sophisticated cell hates America”. These bloodthirsty mega-terrorists are hell bent on fighting the same fascism that the Allies fought in 1942-45. Doesn’t anyone connect the dots? It’s all quite laughable,” said a spokesman for the Democrats.

In other stumblings, Elon Musk admitted that showcase Nazi, Stephen Miller was an AI foul up from the beginning – The empty net affect did not mix well with bone spurs, bibles or bullies. Our little experiment has gone way wrong, and like AI (and Covid) is very difficult to harness once it gets loose in the lab.

-Small Mouth Bess

Wow. The things you miss while you’re out on a bender – editor