ANCHOR PROS CAN’T FIND BLACK CANYON

(Denver) Representatives from the four major Denver television news teams remain lost at press time after failing to discover the entrance to the Black Canyon National Park.

Squads of geography specialists, sent to rescue the company of explorers, reportedly caught up to the first wave Friday near Parlin. Rather than brave the premature darkness and unprovoked wild animal attacks the revived entourage circled their minivans and secured their minicams, bivouacking in the shadows of Quartz Creek for the night.

“We’re not concerned,” said one West Slope tourism expert. “The real people from the Confront Range who visit our parks won’t have any trouble finding our national park,” said Al Kahaulik, a Club Zero spokesman. “Most notice road signs.”

According to eyewitnesses irrigating near the shores of Cedar Creek the broadcasters were busy looking at their hair in the rearview mirror  and missed the turn-off. Then, the second wave did the same. Circling around toward the North Rim of the canyon they once again became distracted with the state of their make-up and went right by that entrance too. An estimated 45% of the original contingent is now said to be in Utah.

“It’s really funny to see troupes of cellulose scribes driving back and forth not realizing that their best sides are not even on camera. They’ve already reached pseudo-star status so why not rely on celestial navigation to get them to their destination.”

Local authorities say it’s all the better that the TV news teams missed the signs since they’d probably fall off the edge anyway.

“Although many of these types think they can fly, the laws of gravity can be harsh,” said one undersheriff. “Most aren’t competent enough to stroll leisurely along the chasm while simultaneously primping for the camera.

– Fred Zeppelin