Capitol Could Be Casino by 2019

(Washington) The United States Capitol may see cards and poker chips as early as September according to sources over at the Federal Reserve Board. Although discussion goes on this morning in the House Ethics Committee, approval for the casino is now said to be only a formality.

The facility could be operated by the Potomac Indians, a tribe once thought to be extinct. Real estate claims to what is now the District of Columbia date back to the 1600s and appear to be legitimate. London-trained Lawyers for the Native American contingent affirmed that the matter would never go to court.

Many Congressmen seeking election this year feel that the potential profits generated by the casino could pull the federal budget out of the basement and make them look more attractive to cynical voters across the nation. The Potomacs have agreed to kick back lease with option to buy funds into an escrow which could then be placed in the general fund to finance such programs as Sociable Security and the War on Tourism.

“We expect to run a clean game here,” said one felt table lobbyist, “therefore elected officials and their entourage will be banned from playing anything but the slot machines.”

Unreliable sources here contend that if the Capitol were not redesigned as a casino it would probably become a bed and breakfast or fall victim to a time sharing.

“It’s finally come to this,” said the source. “We can’t keep operating a government at such a hefty deficit.”