SNOWPACK ABNORMAL

Colorado residents and their guests are reminded that the current snowpack levels are unstable at the present time, exhibiting acute schizophrenic tendencies coupled with clinical brushes with chronic obsessive-compulsive behavior. Along with these classic maladies, we are observing a serious psychotic break with reality brought on by a tedious, often painful meltdown. In short, the snowpack has been cornered by a dysfunctional weather system that has left it climate-challenged and mildly neurotic.

Despite attempts to control this natural shift toward complete mental collapse by the application of drugs and an agenda of structured activities, the situation appears beyond help. The uninitiated are hereby warned to avoid contact with the snowpack and refrain from pointing, staring and snapping pictures of the subject during this seasonal duress.