Chubby Bunnies Support Group Sets Agenda

Montrose will be the hub for a new non-profit community support group aiming to serve the needs of an at risk community that has only recently discovered their at-riskness.

The group, calling themselves Chubby Bunnies, has formed in response to the notable rise in numbers of noticeably rotund vegetarians rolling through western slope farmers’ markets and organic grocery stores. The highest numbers of these porky veggers have been found in small, trendy mountain towns locally and, not surprisingly, throughout the infamously enlightened North Fork area.

Chubby Bunnies’ Executive Director Hope N. Goodwill offered the following background:

“Chubby Bunnies came together because many of us, like me, thoroughly enlightened, self-sacrificing, community oriented people who have chosen to save the planet by shunning meat at meal-time, have also faced the terrifying reality of waking up one day as a pre-menopausal vegetarian who has exploded to four times her pre-vegetarian dress size. Believe me, all you can think of at that horrific moment when you finally look in the mirror and come to terms with an unfamiliar super-sized no-meat you, is, ‘how could it be? I’m a vegetarian!'”

The trend from enlightenment to too-much-of-a-good-thing is not confined to Montrose, as many do-gooders across the nation are suffering the image busting truth of too many taters. A member of the Chubby Bunnies support group who has desperately begged to remain anonymous, put the pain of her journey this way:

“I basically ate every single food item known to man that was not meat. And usually six times more of it than I used to in order to take my mind off of steak. While I became a vegetarian out of a desire to do good in the world, once I realized that most of my favorite comfort foods had nothing to do with meat, I became a monster. I just kept telling myself, ‘Go ahead, grab another three helpings of mashed potatoes and gravy. Eat mac n cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner every Thursday. Baklava? Ha! Bring it on! I am a vegetarian. I am immune to fat.’ Those of us who have joined Chubby Bunnies are beginning to deal with the stark truth that vegetarians are, actually, not immune to fat.”

Without being asked for comment, local Cattlemen’s Association president Louis L’Amour remarked to a group of old men at the truck stop diner that “there’s not one good reason to be a vegetarian if you’re going to be fat. All them Chubby Bunnies ought to just go back to eating ribs and bacon again and forget about this business once and for all.”

More information about Chubby Bunnie support services, including the Grants-for-Granola project, can be found by visiting the Chubbie Bunnies main office, located conveniently above the Stone Cold Creamery in Montrose, or by calling 1-800-NoMoreCheese, or by visiting online at www.peelonelesspotatoe.org.

Lina Baqure