Rockies’ scouts in Gaza in search of relief pitching

(West Bank)   Sticks and Stoned   September     , 2016)

The Colorado Rockies front office has sent a company of scouts to the often-embattled Gaza Strip this week in hopes of signing a few short relief pitchers. The preponderance of strong young arms in the region coupled with a chronic lack of opportunity has created a buyer’s market there.

“Many of these potential hurlers stare down tanks and assault weaponry armed only with rocks,” said Emile Turlo, a former coach for the Asheville Tourists who now makes a living developing new talent. “Constant violence and desperate economic conditions here have created a glut of raw players far more comfortable with the a soccer ball than a baseball.”

Turlo confirmed reports that his team would not be looking at Israelis to fill the void on its pitching staff.

“They are too busy building new settlements on Palestinian land to play at sandlot assimilations,” said Turlo. “It’s pretty tough establishing a curve ball with a rock, especially when one is lugging around an AK-47.”

– Kashmir Horseshoe