Local Stations Caught Making up Weather

Bland Valley — Rain Or Shine –Sept  27, 2016

Police have arrested more than 15 Colorado “executive weather personalities” in connection with alleged misuse of FCC licensing, falsifying weather patterns and concocting fictitious reports. In addition over $1000 worth of illegal solar storm telescopes, a flock of undernourished homing pigeons and an assortment of pornographic weather charts.

“It has been on our radar for some time,” said one FCC enforcer who hopes this indictment might grow to include news sources that lie or bend the truth. “Our information is being seriously tampered with by those who seek a dumber audience. It’s all a mater of controlling what we think and do.”

Many in custody have admitted that their entities have been making up the weather that they broadcast. Some have simply reused previously used forecasts in a cost-saving effort since they feel a high percentage of their TV viewers do not have the skills to decipher what is going on around them.

One station, in keeping with seasonal boundaries, simply throws the dice or cuts cards to determine what tomorrow might be like.

“If we throw doubles it’s gonna rain and if we throw higher than a combination of six it will most likely be sunny,” said one incarcerated talking head. “If we throw doubles twice in a row the world is going to end but we let our crack news team handle that announcement.”

At the preliminary arraignment one former “weather gal” told of wild parties on the set featuring soggy nachos and even 3.2 beer. The participants felt as though they were bulletproof and believed solstice to be Satan’s holiday.

If convicted the whole slew could face hard time but most likely they will simply be shot or banned from the airwaves. Citizens have the ability to predict their own local weather and do not need to listen to these idiots each morning and afternoon. They just need to go outside.

The FCC has pledged to clean up the misinformation omnipresent in today’s oligarch media.

“It’s too bad people can’t wake up and see what’s happening to them. They prefer to blame poor people and minorities for their station in life rather than blaming the people power brokers,” whispered a court reporter. “It’s just like fishing. When I was younger my Uncle Red used to lob dynamite into a pond and throw a fish fry. You can’t do that today.”

She did not nor was encouraged to elaborate.

– Fred Zeppelin