Miracle Putting School Investigated

(Manana, CO — Birdie Builder — August 31, 2016)

Bilked customers are crying foul, accusing the San Wedge Golf Academy of instructional abuse during its summer curriculum. In addition to exposure to harmful chemicals and vulgar language the students say they were regularly beaten and required to shag golf balls (often in their teeth). In addition it was compulsory to buy beers and lunch for instructors.

The putting department has come under close scrutiny claiming to produce miracles on the green. There have been no graduates of the school since it opened in 2003.

The accusations of violence concur with a recent investigation showing that corporal punishment, denial of food and water and forced labor were employed during the reign of King Bogey (2007 – 2114) in most of the official putting sessions conducted there.

“We were all too battered to hit the ball. Once they had our money they turned mean and insulting,” said one woman who hasn’t sunk a put since 1959. “They said it was progressive hypnotism but used nine irons on our shins, left us unattended in sand traps for days and made us play barefoot.”

She added that there were no holes on any of the greens and that the conditions there were akin to Saudi Arabia.

Principles at Twisted San Wedge did not return our phone calls Friday.

– Tommy Middlefinger

“Just tell the truth and people will laugh.” – Jonathan Winters