Counter-Espionage Chief Says Aliens Inhabit Congress

(Moscow — Red Sky at Night — June 29, 2016)

A former counter-espionage agent working for the KGB and the CIA claims that a majority of the United States Congressmen are in-your-face extraterrestrials or brazen aliens from other planets and galaxies.

Retired Soviet spy, Kaslov Yowski, a recent arrival to the retirement community here. His indictment is backed up by what he insists are mounds of data collected during the Cold War and warehoused near his boyhood home of Vasilkovf, in the lush vodka growing region of Murmansk, in extreme northwest Russia.

“As a young boy we watched as aliens landed nearby, hundreds of them preparing for the stark voyage or land crossing into the wastelands of Alaska,’ started Yowski sipping a chilled potato-derivative on ice. “They had on goal in mind: Make it to Washington and take over the government. Why someone with the ability to travel here from light years away would want to dabble in petty politics is beyond my comprehension,” he frowned. “It must be some kind of Fifth Columnist thing.”

Are Washington’s gloried insiders really the ultimate outsiders? Will Yowski spill the cosmic beans? Please show your birth certificate at the door.

– Stinky Weehoff