Killer Bee Update

(El Pasto — Winged Crier — June 14, 2016)

Throng of killer bees have reached the outskirts of El Paso, Texas this morning and are headed north. Having outflanked the thousands of armed Tea Party vigilantes the bees are expected to arrive on the grounds of Fort Bliss if the pollution doesn’t destroy their tiny lungs.

Scientists in Texas, who don’t believe in the Ozone, say that the bees will almost certainly be exposed to harmful rays of the sun and could go blind. Another scenario shows the bees smoking tobacco and succumbing to cancer and related maladies before they make Oklahoma.

The Department of Instigation has been busy building fences all along the US-Mexico border to keep out the aggressive pests that, by last tally, number in the quadric-millions. If the fence fails to stop the onslaught a plan to deprive the bees of sustenance by blacktopping Mexico is firmly on the back burner.

Patriotic Americans are instructed to stay inside their homes and watch television until this newly emerging peril passes.