Candidate suggests trading refugees

(Washington) In what critics are calling an innovative approach to a long-standing crisis, Republican semi-candidate Steve Forbes has suggested social grace over top heavy diplomacy.

His idea is simple: Don’t stack up refugees in muddy, lice-ridden camps in contested areas. Ship them far away where adversaries are few and old wounds aren’t quite so evident.

“Steve talks about sending 3,000 Syrians to East Timor and a boatload of Rwandans to Chiapas,” said a campaign source. “He thinks it will relieve the pressure in trouble spots, giving divine right advocates in the West solve ancient problems. Compared to the present policies it may not be so far fetched.”
Forbes, a multi-millionaire accustomed to taking assorted vacations says the refugees might enjoy the change in that most don’t have the time and/or money to see the world.

“Talk about throwing money at a problem,” quipped Presidential front runner Ted “Santa” Cruise. “Maybe Steve thinks the refugees will simply disappear en route thus solving another problem while the sun goes down. It’s nuts. They just won’t cooperate and fall through the cracks. I say keep the refugees inside the barb wire fences and feed them from large bags of grain and flower like during the Berlin Airlift. What’s wrong with that?”

Other detractors say Forbes is the product of affluence and does not understand the concept of destitute.

“He thinks refugees have credit cards,” said one Congressional Democrat, on his way out the Senate door for yet another recess.

“Forbes has not even considered the burdens placed on cruise lines or the calculation of frequent flyer miles that would certainly emerge in the residue of his elitist solutions,” he added. – Suzie Compost