QUEBEC CLAIMS ROCKIES OFF WAIVERS

The city of Quebec has recovered its NHL  honor a la hockey, by raiding a poorly performing Major League Baseball franchise, it was confirmed this morning.

Although details are sketchy, a cash and players to be named later arrangement is already in place. The Tit-for-Tat move takes advantage of the Colorado Rockies’ dismal start, its continued poor performances and its comfort zone in the basement. It was a squad quite well on its way to losing 100 games again this season.

The long defunct Quebec Nordiques, under extreme financial pressure back in 1995, were sold and moved to Denver where the well-loved Canadian troupe became the Colorado Avalanche. Now the stumblebum Rox are likely headed north.

The Nordiques played in the NHL. 1979 – 1995

The Nordiques, in their heralded red fleur-de-lis jerseys, played at the Colisée de Québec and were intense rivals with the Montreal Canadiens. Stars included Michel Goulet, Peter Stastny, and Joe Sakic. 

The near-total lack of English-language media limited the Nordiques’ marketability even in their best years, and made many non-French-speaking players wary of playing for them.

May 1975 The team relocated to Denver where it won the Stanley the first year there. 1976 & again in 2001

• Standouts included Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg, Owen Nolan, Mike Ricci, Wendel Clark, Andrei Kovalenko, Adam Deadmarsh, Martin Rucinsky, Scott Young, Bob Bassen, Claude Lapointe, Chris Simon, Rene Corbet
• Defense: Adam Foote, 

Then the final piece, Hall of Fame goalie Patrick Roy, was acquired by the Colorado Avalanche in a blockbuster trade with the Montreal Canadiens on December 6, 1995

The Colorado Avalanche won the Stanley Cup in their first season (1995-1996)  in the Mile High City after moving west from Quebec.

“Rockies like a wounded animal that needs love”

Upon hearing that Canada had adopted the professional baseball team, the entire country prepared a gala welcome.

“We aren’t expecting miracles up here considering the past few years in Denver but maybe the team can cut its losses at 80 or even 75?” whistled a front-tooth warrior from Montreal.

The familiar cap logo CR will soon be QG with fleur de lis in place. The former Colorado Rockies will now be known as Quebec Grand-peres after a popular Quebecois dessert.

“What are we going to do for a goalie?” Asked one Rockies’ outfielder. We have one of the best catchers in the league in Hunter Goodman. While many of our younger players look forward to slamming others into the boards we must learn to play the full three quarters from face-off to final.”

Meanwhile the new ownership has undressed concerns of players and fans. Will skates or spikes dominate the locker room floors? Will the team pull the infield in to prevent a power play? How would extra innings be handled? Just how hard is it to complete a hit-and-run in French? How might sliding into second on thin ice affect one’s penalty minutes?

As expected, skating lessons will replace batting practice and high sticking is now encouraged, delegated to aggressive performance at the plate. Catcher’s chest protectors, chewing sunflower seeds, sliding into the net, stealing bases, off-sides, blue lines, penalty boxes, dugouts, foul balls and bases on balls will be prioritized, provisioned, often hand-fed to the Canadian fan base.

“Due to the success and popularity of our Toronto Blue Jays we have educated followers and a savvy throng of enthusiasts up here,” said another hockey puck collector from Laval.

Over on Blake Street, Coors Field will be demolished and quickly replaced by rough and ready apartment houses that look like old warehouses and industrial depots ——- like Denver’s good old days before the Lo-Do hype.

“We Canadians will never forget that you stole our team and look forward to meeting these high altitude interlopers on the ice real soon,” spat an anxious Nordiques supporter who said he felt betrayed and predicted that the first Avalanche squad to play here would get an icy response.

-Fred Zeppelin