Satan defends policies in Gehenna

(The Nether Regions) Lucifer bolstered longstanding policies during the Annual State of the Abyss address but promised to look into surging complaints about freedom and living conditions.

Saying he fully endorsed the round-the-clock hip-hop blasting practices in the old folks sector “efforts were being made to introduce bad country music to the already flame-fanning menu. He then expressed concern that security leaks were becoming an issue and thanked those who had turned in their neighbors for violations or suspected espionage.

“Come Hell or high water spies from upstairs will not crack us,” he squealed from deep down in a high-pitched, shrill, unnerving pitch common to animals at the slaughterhouse.

In closing, Beelzebub told ‘guests” that the new billionaires wing almost completed and should be up and running in time for what he called The Gilded- Guillotine Age. He did not elaborate.

“Guests” in Hades most often complain of treatment by fallen angels, burnt food, no air-conditioning or fans and the cost of a bag of ice at the company store. Many say the only decent things to eat are apples but snakes guard them.

Hell’s half acre

Meanwhile in the capital city of Annwn, town tormenters have adopted Lucifer’s odd priorities. Today more than 400,000 forced laborers engaged in serious snow removal, industrial lawn watering and flood relief operations all over Hell’s Half Acre and back to their stinking shanties. Then they did it all over again.

Tartarus has come under international scrutiny of late due to the absence a viable policy on global warming.

“Hell’s bells, whispered a now calming red Devil, “this Inferno will not be pressured into any course of action by these humans, many of whom we will get to know quite well in the future.”

Reference: The All-Joking, All-Drunken Synod of Fools and Jesters