Trump claims great grandfather was a famous Confederate general.

Donald Trump’s boast that one of his ancestors was a decorated Confederate general has been playing well south of the Mason-Dixon Line.

The relative he claims must be from his mother’s side, a foggy genetic pool with a severely psychotic and combative DNA running through the bloodline. It’s not easy to trace much less isolate the alleged military man. Wartime deeds were not always recorded properly. Accounts were askew. Documentation was lax. Testimonials were incomplete. Even surnames are difficult to establish after 150 years. Perfect.

Donald Trump’s paternal ancestry is traceable to Bobenheim am Berg, a village in the Palatinate, Germany, in the 18th century. Great-grandfather Johann Trump, born in Bobenheim in 1789, moved to the nearby village of Kallstadt where his grandson, Friedrich Trump, the grandfather of Donald Trump, was born in 1869.

So this “great warrior festooned with a chest of medals,” to quote Trump; this hereditary phantom must have belonged on his mother’s side of the family. Since woman were relegated to domestic duties and childbearing they would most likely not been chronicled efficiently and memorably…Yes, most definitely he must have been talking about his mother’s side.

Given the sordid history of family, the assertion comes as little surprise. But even when applying an ultra-liberal math/generational factor of minus 30 (All becoming parents at 30 years-old, his mother would have been born in 1918 while his grandfather Terrence Kaiser Trump would have hatched in 1888. Employing the same ratio, his great-grandfather, Wilhelm Rolf Trump, would have been born in 1858. Had Wilhelm achieved the rank of general even in the threadbare Confederate Army of 1865* he would have been 7-years-old making him the youngest general on both sides of the American Civil War

“I’m quite astonished that he did not carry this one step further and put himself up there on this fabricated general’s horse,” said Susie Compost, of the Failed Nation. “It all seems quite preposterous kind of like advising people to drink beach to combat the Corona Virus.

When pressed on this issue Trump called on reporters to do their homework and stop trying to discredit him.

– Gabby Haze

*Many Trumpers are either not familiar with what occurred in 1865 or take comfort in the belief that the Civil War is still going on.