Leper Colonies May Reopen

(Molokai) The nation’s remaining leper colonies will reopen for business this morning according to federal officials in the region. Homeland Security and FBI contingents, having intercepted medical masks and ventilators at gunpoint, say the threat of viral eruptions in now minimal there.

“It’s the old adage rearing it’s ugly head once again in the face of common sense,’” said Burt Favela who fills the vacant position as executive director of the Hawaii GOP. “Just because you were born on the bus do you deserve free bus rides for life?” he asked

The distinctly overweight Favela, who has been described as a corpulent leper by adversaries, told friendly news media that he thinks everyone should pull his own weight whether they have leprosy or not.

In other news Hawaii Governor David Ige says he disagrees with a Trump proclamation calling meat-processing plants essential during the pandemic.

“Will this include spam?” joked the governor.

– Neville Hoser