Kushner to play self in classic teen movie

(Follywood) White House executive sycophant, celebrated real estate tycoon and son-in-law to Donald Trump, Jared Kushner, will star in a new film called “Greedy Little Shits”

In what insiders called a lucrative contract, Kushner, who has plenty of acting experience as a successful Mideast negotiator and thanks to his current role as pandemic mainstay, will play himself in a desperate remake of Beach Blanket Bingo with snatched scenes from Taxi Driver and The Shining.

Jared Kushner has signed on to play The Evil Twit in Greedy Little Shits, a soon-to-be-released teen rage film.

It was not clear if supporting roles would be offered to other members of the Trump family, co-producers of the film. Ivanka has reportedly auditioned for the part of Muffy, a dingy lifeguard who hates sand but is in love with herself while Donald Junior is a lock to play a crooked hot dog vender according to Mike Pence, executive director of the picture.

“We would like to use other idle members of the family to play pivotal roles addressing such issues as gun rights, racial harmony, religious freedom and world diplomacy,” said Pence. “We were looking for a teenager to play the lead but Jared is both immature and downright mean, two valuable assets we cannot do without during these troubled times.

In a seriously unrelated statement Pence then reiterated a recent claim that neither he or President Trump was gay or communist “like all those Hollywood types”. Unreliable sources in Washington offered no comment to this assertion that Greedy Little Shits is a movie for all Americans.

“If you don’t like the production you hate America and are a terrorist,” said Pence.

Critics see the production as another attempt to placate supporters who are expected to flock to the theaters despite social isolation edicts and social distancing ordinances. Trump Has projected a box office smash. Medical experts (doctors) predict a spike in people testing positive for Corona19 Virus.

“Oh well,” said one left-leaning physician from California.

The film is based on the best-shelling book How To Profit From the Misery of Others by Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.

“We’ve done a lot, a lot on this,” said Trump. “Obama never made a movie. It will be a terrific thing for all patriotic Americans.”

-Kashmir Horseshoe