Hamburger Exports Prop Up GNP

(Washington) Larger than expected hamburger exports have not only helped increase the GNP in the third quarter but have overtaken traditional manufacturing commodities according to figures released this morning. The jump will likely help balance the trade deficits created by mindless reliance on the information age and the gradual takeover by heartless corporations intent on cornering the market on lunch.

Meanwhile in Hamburg, Germany officials warn of cheap jokes aimed at their city. They say equating the patties to their locale is insensitive and juvenile.

Response at all major gov’ment soup kitchens was positive while vegetarians, hiding in the mountains will be questioned just as soon as they are rounded up by the people’s militia.

Continued in the Hot Dog Sector