Space Visitors Talk Directly to Lower Primates

(Manaus, Brasil) More and more, visitors from outer space are talking directly to less-developed primates rather than to their allegedly evolved counterparts. Aliens from other planets are purposely avoiding contact with the more intelligent humans because they are difficult, violent and petty, according to a de-coded message intercepted on Stellar IV Friday.

“The future of the earth is definitely in the hands of monkeys and not humans,” said the correspondence. “We are now firmly convinced that they shall inherit the place after they (people) are gone and that we should continue a meaningful dialogue for the future.”

The message did not state when or by what means the humans would “be gone” or where they would go.

Officials at NASA continue to discount rumors of any contact with alien beings.

“It’s all a lot of monkey business,” said one NASA source. “Those apes don’t even have cell phones and most are loaded with fleas. Who could want to carry on an intelligent conversation with them?”

Officials here have still not explained a massive drop of bananas into the jungle near the forest fires along the Amazon River Basin giving credence to rumors that the primates and aliens have already come to certain good faith agreements as to the future stewardship of the planet.

“The war they’re at over in France, this last while.” says Eneas.

“Jesus, that’s for English boys, Eneas.” says his Pappy kindly.

“No,” says Eneas. “There’s rakes of Sligomen gone out.”

“Now, but not boys,” says his mother. “Not boys…I don’t like you fighting in a foreigner’s war,” says his Mam. “Nor any war where my first-born boy might be murdered.”

“What’s foreign if there’s Irishmen in it? says Eneas.

-from The Whereabouts of Eneas McNulty by Sebastian Barry