Lip Reading Offered by Motor Vehicle

(Montrose Language Lab – February 11, 2016)

A free lip-reading seminar is slated for late November, compliments of the Colorado Division of Motor Vehicles. The course has been streamlined from last year, concentrating on senior drivers, teens and those in need of anger management therapy.

The course, conducted for all drivers, is expected to “better the communications between easily irritated motorists and those with less than perfect hearing” according to Melvin O’Toole, Executive Director of Sociology and Downright Ignorant Behavior at nearby Pea Green Academy.

“The offering will concentrate on the 20 most common phrases of frustration associated with bad driving habits,” quipped O’Toole, “so that even with air-conditioning on, and in winter with the windows rolled up, clear communication of distinct concepts and suggested ideas will flow.”

O’Toole did not touch on complaints that many local drivers are dozing off at the wheel or exhibiting a trance akin to heavy television users. Traffic noise, vehicle vibration or even the radio lulls them to sleep when it usually keeps other drivers alert.

“They are somewhere else than in the driver’s seat,” said O’Toole. “It’s a wonder they make it to the grocery and back.”

Mass transit, recently available in the city, was expected to relive this chronic problem or at least discourage driving at prime times. Unfortunately suspect operators often forget about this option, after locating their keys and backing into the garage door or a potted plant in the yard.

Persons over 75 will receive a companion print version of the class so as to insure they do not miss clever, innovative vulgarities hurled at them by motorists wishing to adhere to the speed limit and reach their destination before nightfall.

– Attila Diggins