Worst Cup of Coffee Eludes Slope Group

(Bland Valley) A quasi-political wing of the outlawed Club Zero continues to pursue the Worst Cup of Coffee on the Western Slope, a fleeting endeavor that critics say has little significance and even less substance.
The aversive accolade, citing the most terrible hot beverage status, is based on taste, texture, color and digestive capabilities. One of the least coveted culinary awards, it was established to give special recognition to those who disregard or neglect savor in presentation. Participation is limited to restaurants and hotels.
After several weeks of balloting there have been only three valid entries, two from a cafe in Mack, Colorado and the other from Chemo-Corp, owner and operator of Hot Breakfast Food Processing which manufactures 60% of the complimentary breakfasts offered in motels in the region.
If the vote were taken today Grady’s Gravy Heaven, in downtown Mack, would win thumbs up even though the electoral turnout has been sparse.
“The recycled toothpick-beehive hair cuisine offered has been the subject of health departments since the 50s,” said one Rifle food writer, “yet the doors remain open. Proprietors have admitted to serving coffee made last week along with its flagship meat specials, hermetically sealed in authentic airline cellophane. What a place to bring your friends from out of town!”
“People are too busy this time of the year to concern themselves with quality,” said one Club Zero officer. “Many would not recognize the difference between gourmet brews and dirty dish water.”
In response to the low turnout the sponsors of the contest have extended the deadline through December, with a cash prize supplement. Entries from the household sector will not be accepted although organizers say that they are considering the addition of this category in 2014. Anyone nominating an entity will automatically receive a 4-piece mixed set of stained imitation china cups in the mail.
Employees of corporate coffee interests are not eligible for prizes.