Whether you’re hoity toity or hoi polloi you’ll like these shorties…

Wardrobe Malfunction Sinks Cruz
(Denver) While aides call the much publicized tit slip by a Texas Congressman “an embarrassing accident, commentaries from Bellingham to Key West are suggesting another motivation altogether.
Ted Cruz, (R-TX) had just finished his speech Friday night and was departing the stage when his tie and shirt became snarled exposing a little too much for the conservative, religious audience. In seconds Cruz, in an aborted attempt to right the situation, exposed an estimated three inches of chest skin and at least one bosom.
“The entire tit thing was just an attempt to distract his audience from the fact that in two hours he didn’t say anything useful or worthwhile,” said a fallen away Republican now working as a translator for the Libertarian Party. “Did anyone else notice that his tongue was hanging out of his mouth too?”
Supporters of Cruz say the incident just points to the human side of their candidate. They added that no major changes in wardrobe or perception are planned. Meanwhile Cruz blamed the entire incident on Obamacare.

Arizona Gains Failed Nation Status
The Grand Canyon state today received notification that it would be classified as a Failed Nation even though it is in reality just a large state. The demotion, as it were, appears linked to stumblebum politics and the fact that without air-conditioning, hoards of new arrivals could live in the high population spots. The Grand Experiment Has Failed! Everyone back to Ohio and Michigan now!
Experts agree that too many people from other places have relocated to the state of late bringing with them mounds of tired baggage from California and the Midwest.
Recent policies on everything from immigration to Daylight Savings Time have turned what used to be a healthy maverick into a haven for the crooked and confused. Isn’t it just charming that so many of the houses in Scottsdale and Cave Creek are all done up in cookie-cutter Spanish-Mexican motif while most of the Latinos live on the West side in less than captivating trailers. Probably because they are all lazy.