Viagra Opens Electric Garage Door for Ash Mesa Man

(Delta) Ben Almonne used to have trouble with his automatic garage door, which refused to respond to his remote device in the car or even brute force exerted vertically by the 250-pound man.

That was before he started popping a few Viagra.

“Now all I have to do is stand there and the garage goes up smoothly without further incident,” he laughed. “I never expected this.”

Although several physicians remain skeptical Almonne has showcased his newly acquire talent for friends and local authorities who confirmed that Almonne had no tricks up his sleeve, or down his pants for that matter.

“It was really quite astounding,” quipped one neighbor. “I always saw Ben as a milquetoast, a wimp, but now he’s taken on a whole new presence. My garage door works great but if it ever malfunctions you can damn sure bet I’ll be talking to my doctor.”

Leaders in Delta County are expected to inspect the entire sideshow next week in hopes of determining some course of action.

“We can’t have people opening garage doors this way,” said one councilperson. “What will the neighbors say?”

Unreliable sources in the shadow of Grand Mesa say civic sources are at odds over whether to laud Almonne as a pioneer in drug technology or burn him at the stake.                                                      – Sergio D. Jingles