TOOLE COMPLETES INDEX TO WEBSTERS

(Gunnison) Pop scribe Melvin “Don’t call me Earl” Toole has reportedly finished work on an condensed index to Webster’s New Unabridged Dictionary. The task, exhaustive at best, is expected to drastically change the way people use reference materials.
“How many times have we heard “How am I expected to look up the spelling of a word in the dictionary when the problem is that I don’t know how to spell it?'” asked Dr. Ephram Pennywhistle of the Ouray Word Institute. “Now, with the ready index by one’s side he can rely on the index to help him on his way. The work is nothing short of genius, utter consummation with linguistics, a full-dress accomplishment without parallel.”
Sources at Webster called Toole’s efforts “the ultimate exercise in redundancy” adding that they would take steps to protect their thesaurus and other reference compendiums from further literary raids by Toole.