TOLL BRIDGE OVER BERING STRAIT SCRAPPED

(Nome, AK) Plans to construct a massive suspension toll bridge across the Bering Strait have been cancelled according to American and Russian engineers on the scene. The structure, connecting the Chukchi Peninsula  to the Seward Peninsula about one hundred miles south of the Arctic Circle, would have cost an estimated 6.5 million dollars to complete. The idea was scuttled when it became apparent that projected traffic traveling between the two remote regions “could not even begin pay for the erection in two million years” according to one treasury official.

     “Nobody in either country has enough money to fill up their gas tank much less pay tolls on a bridge to nowhere,” he continued. “Maybe the concept would fly between Moscow and New York but even then its success has got to be questionable at best.”

     Continuing to stoke fears that the bridge would be an easy access for illegal refugees and drugs was voiced by several higher ups in the Trump Administration, who condemned the idea on various social media and fast food outlets this morning.

-Susie Compost