TEN COMMANDMENTS SEQUEL DUE IN FEBRUARY

(Montrose) The long awaited sequel to the popular Ten Commandments will be shot in the Uncompais expected to hit local theaters in 2017. The follow-up film will continue with the same theme with the good guys, played by Israeli army regulars stationed in Lebanon, throwing off the chains of oppression (the Egyptians) and waltzing into the promised land, played by the Town of Olathe.

The late Charlton Heston, of recent NRA fame, will not play Moses. That role will be played by Willie Nelson. Special effects for the Red Sea parting scene will be computer-generated, unlike the initial scene in the first film. All daangerous snakes and water pirates will be imported from the Front Range.

In one particularly moving segment, Moses descends from Mount Sinai (Horsefly Peak) to find his people worshipping idols. He angrily breaks the tablets of stone. He is subsequently arrested for destroying public property, littering and encouraging a riot. Later all the charges, with the exception of parading without a permit, are dropped by the Philistine authorities.
“With all the laws and regulations passed since, say 1970, Moses would never have been able to carry modern tablets down the mountain,” said Heston, his pistol at his side. “He would have had to hire pack mules or maybe even a fleet of cattle trucks.”
Another stirring episode involves the baby Moses floating down the Nile (the Uncompahgre) in a basket provided by a local rafting company.
“Today social services would be all over the people who put Moses in the river,” said Heston. “Yes, they would have had to put the baby in an Egyptian foster home despite the policies of the Pharaoh.”
Heston went on to say that the tedious burning bush scene would be included in the film despite the protests of the Department of the Interior. The feds are worried about forest fires.
“If we can part the Red Sea, build golden calves out of adobe and wander around the Stinking Desert for 40 years we can surely contain a small fire,” said Heston.