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Wind Jarred in Wyoming

(Cheyenne) After decades of blind and expensive research, climatologists here claim to have successfully jarred the wind. Jarring, compared to the more common harnessing or vaguely routine displacing of the wind is a much simpler technology, which is foolproof and final.

     The procedure follows a logical pattern starting with the employment of thousands of glass jars set in a diagram specified for the conditions, the actual collection of ducts and currents and the final canning of the element, secured with simple tin lids and sealed with good ol’ Rocky Mountain elbow grease.

     “Not only will this innovative modus operandi store energy for the future,” explained one scientist, “but it will reduce the wind velocity and control haphazard weather patterns currently running roughshod on Wyoming residents.”

     It is hoped that neighbor states such as Colorado and Montana will follow suit and begin jarring operations soon. The benefits to jarring the wind, which are not always compatible with metaphysical thought and/or religious superstition, have come to the forefront of late, reminding politicians that voters have grown tired of  “the same old air flows” on the part of “windy candidates”.

     Official Wyoming Wind, considered a delicacy in most parts of the world (and an aphrodisiac in east Asia) would be packaged, marketed and sold to tourists here during the summer.

     “Quite candidly we see the calming affect as outweighing any negative impact of fooling with the weather,” said an unreliable source from Laramie. “Energy is energy and federal subsidies are too.”

– Jack Spratt