All Entries Tagged With: "Silverton"
Where coffee is king!
Three caballeros enjoy conversing with a morning cup of the best coffee on earth in Jardin, Colombia. The small town is located south of Medellin in the Andes Mountains. Coffee fincas dot the surrounding hills and cafes are everywhere. (Photo by DeLinda Austin)
Impending garbage strike a boon for black bear
(Manana) A threatened garbage strike, coupled with unseasonably warm weather, could cause black bears to get out of bed long before fully embracing hibernation cycle.
Workers who have yet to set a date for the work stoppage are striking for higher wages and benefits they say were promised two years ago. The move is aimed at large garbage collection companies with the mom and pop trash companies falling through the cracks.
“We expect to be busy and to acquire some new clients, especially when the garbage builds up and they are forced to drive to the dump,” said the owner of Dupree Debris Rubbish, which first started picking up their neighbors’ refuse back in 1980.
Town officials hope to settle the matter before further action takes place. The local populace is mixed on how to react and who is to blame for the potential interruption of this basic service.
“It’s a health issue we’re talking about here,” said one garbage executive from his office somewhere on the East Coast. “These unions will be the scourges of us all. It is clear that outside agitators are at work, probably liberals.”
Many bear have reportedly been stockpiling crude primitive burglary tools for an all out assault on what could be overflowing garbage receptacles, crippled by the shear magnitude of it all. Talents honed during the long months of “hibernation” could leave militias and law enforcement vulnerable in the face of hungry bear.
The animals are just looking for a snack before bed,” said one biologist. “Frankly they may be doing us a favor dining in this peculiar manner. What else are we going to do with all the accumulating trash?”
– Suzie Compost
Next: Bear-proof trash receptacles even you can open
Trump’s Mane Quit Paris Accords
In a curious departure from previous editorial policy The San Juan Horseshoe wades into the surreal world of our treasured plutocracy, with Mickey Mouse ineptitude and Goofy dogma chipping away at our lifelines..
With Trump as our hair-brained conductor, the United States has pulled the curtain on the world stage, waltzing off a roster of long-legged dance cards. Trans Pacific Trade Partners, UNESCO and the Paris Accords are just a few.
But why is the world’s most prominent republic falling off the diplomatic onion cart? One answer can be found within. A lazy, poorly informed populace, victims of bad schools and eager to glorify stupidity are easily distracted by the chief executives’ crudeness. They fear foreigners and immigrants but cannot even speak their own language properly.
This charade belies the real agenda – making the rich richer while giving the poor the boot (See goose-stepping).
Most world leaders cannot get past his hideous golden locks, which have been described in a host of languages as pseudo-haute, vainly common, maladroit and petit-gauche. In Europe he is seen as greedy narcissist. Most people in the Mideast believe he is wearing a toupee, while those in South America contend that Trump is a man without heart and soul but plenty of unfounded ego.
And these are his friends.
“In less than a year he has redefined our country’s image in the world, which quite candidly, already needed a serious makeover after years at the bully pulpit,” said a recently fired cabinet appointee. “The man has no intellect, no humor, no compassion that I know of. In the Trump in the White House denial is the agenda, coal is king and the world is flat.”
Rather than defend Trump, former advisor Steve Bannon echoed these observations, adding that “Donald is not worthy of the Oval Office but I am.”
World leaders such as Angela Merkel appear willing to sit out the next few years and deal with the next president rather than cow-towing to Trump. When asked to comment she simply threw up her hands and laughed, then cried.
“It appears only too obvious that our band leader cannot read a lick of music.” said Ted Nuggent, a staunch supporter, “But I like his style.”
Another musical devotee, KISS frontman Gene Simmons agrees with the limp metaphor adding that Trump had promised to shake things up, but he always tees off first then waves at his constituents in the rear view mirror of his golf cart.
Bronco executive, John Elway, continues in his Republican stance, noting, however, that the now defunct Trump University has yet to put a player in the NFL.
Perhaps the only world leader that had anything nice to say about the president was Vladimir Putin who disclosed, “I like him well enough. He reminds me of Leon Trotsky in a red tie, or better yet Peter the Great sans wit.”
For a related story please turn to:
Trump accused of self-groping
Accusations mount as a reflexive president points finger at others.
Thanksgiving in Jardin, Colombia
Lots to be thankful for in Colombia. Great apartment, cheap beer, best restaurants a block away, friendly people, perfect springlike weather…Above we view a street scene on Thanksgiving morning. Kind of looks like any other day doesn’t it.
TV Doctors Isolate Comparative Gene
(Hollywood) Television doctors here have successfully isolated what some are calling the Lowest Common Denominator Gene. The illusive unit of heredity has been linked to general comprehension sways and positive sense of place in a shifting landscape.
Persons engaged in chronic television rituals such as electronic marathons and the embrace of local news programs often populate the sterile hallways of the quantum test cases transferred from easy chair to viewer. This control group has been the subject of much discussion since the inception of the intrusive medium in the early 50s.
“We have found that people who have no access to television are smarter and more qualified to survive than those who ingest the pablum of the airwaves,” said a researcher. “In short, many groups seen as primitive engage in more valid pursuits than those who stare at and respond to insipid movements inside the idiot box.”
While many social scientists agree with this perception, at least in theory, some are hesitant to condemn the entire industry without further cross-examination.
They conclude that genes make up a distinct sequence of nucleotides forming part of a chromosome, the order of which determines the order of monomers in a polypeptide or nucleic acid molecule which a cell (or virus) may synthesize.
The TV doctor team that created the breakthrough
This represents significant shift from the days when a television was a substantial piece of furniture with a tiny black and white screen. In the age of flat screens and bad public schools a majority recommends no more than 23 hours of television per day (not counting bathroom breaks and quality time with pets).
In preternatural observation the habitual TV enthusiast cannot tell the difference between real physicians and actors playing them on the tube.
“They all have white coats, clean hands and that air about them that makes it all but impossible to differentiate,” said the researcher, clutching a handful of opiates. “Even though most of it is voodoo there are distinct patterns developing that threaten to destroy the trust most have in the medical profession”
What remains as the quintessential question: Does one want to live life or watch it float mindlessly by, bookended by bad writing and violence.
“What we accept on TV generally conflicts with the basic food, clothing and shelter syndrome that dictates fear levels and morality,” continued our source, “It’s just another eternal balancing act with no net.”
– Gabby Haze
TRAFFIC REPORT
(Continued from page 4)
fell dead asleep at the wheel, his foot lodged in a contorted position, pressing firmly against the accelerator. The 1959 Buick then proceeded down Main Street, crossing the intersection at Townsend and headed east at an estimated speed of 83 mph. Knocking economy cars and pickups out of its way like they were toys, the runaway Buick wreacked havoc throughout the downtown district, uprooted trees, slamming into curbs and sending pedestrians scurrying for cover. Fortunately, no serious injuries were reported.
Continuing its hellish trek eastward, the Buick managed to take out a row of new cars at one car lot and skidded out of town sideways on Highway 50, its driver snoring away peacefully. Finally, as if by heavenly intervention the Buick turned off from the main thoroughfare, climbed the hill and ran out of gas in the parking lot of the Black Canyon National Park. Assault rangers arrived hours later and fired a volley of a pee-shot from their special issue squirrel rifles (with silencers) into the offenders’ windshield.
Police arrived on the scene the next afternoon and and cited the driver for leaving the scene of an accident and for not wearing a seatbelt.
