All Entries Tagged With: "Silverton"
Jardin Plaza Reopens Just in Time for the Holiday Season
Jardin’s Parque came alive today after the long months reconstruction have concluded. The whole town took note when the fencing came down. Last night marked the Night of Candles featuring homage to the Blessed Virgin and a frightening episode where four horses escaped down a main street narrowly avoiding collisions and catastrophy on the crowded crossroad. (Toole of the Andes Photo).
Jardin’s parque is now open again, heralding in the Christmas season. The Antioquian town, high in the Andies boasts one of Colombia’s finest plazas. Above we watch town crews remove the last debris allowing appreciative pedestrians to stroll once more. The square is surrounded by more than 25 cafes and bars with vender stalls dotting the cobblestone. (Toole of the Andies)
Joseph Denies he will suit up for Jets
Bronco head coach, Vance Joseph dismissed rumors that he will suit up against the New York Jets on Sunday. Although a multitude of eyewitnesses say the first-year coach has been running the first-string offense all week at practice, Joseph was adamant that he would not play in the game.
Joseph at a lighter moment with the line judge during the Bengals loss.
The former quarterback University of Colorado has gone through Osweiller and Lynch…Siemian in losses to 8 teams that pre-season observers expected them to win or at least remain competitive. Many of the losses were blowouts to teams like Miami and Philadelphia and New England.
At a press conference after the embarrassing loss to Miami, Joseph promised to stay the course (or corpse as some sports writers heard it). CEO John Elway held his own question and answer session reaffirming his faith in Joseph. Conjecture has it that Elway will begin searching Eastern Europe and scanning the horizons of Central Africa in search of large bodies to be implemented on the horrid offensive line in 2018.
“We can teach them to block or at least get in the way of defensive linemen,” said the irritated Hall-of-Famer, a quarterback as well during his illustrious career in Denver.
Although the team has performed poorly many ridiculous calls and quirks occurred at just the wrong time opening up the doors to drubbings. The offense, which has arguably been absent since Payton Manning’s first year with the team, continued to put everyone but the opposing defense to sleep.
Joseph played for the New York Jets and Indianapolis Colts in the NFL and backed up All-Americans Cordell Stewart and Darian Hagan in his years at CU, including the National Championship team in 1990.
His coaching resume at the college level includes stints with Colorado, Wyoming and Bowling Green
An anonymous “yet highly reliable source” at Dove Valley discreetly told reporters on the plane from Miami that the coaching staff was desperate for a win and that Joseph would perform with the first team during the next week’s practices/rehearsals. It’s either we see Vance at the helm or we leave the defense on the field for the entire game.
-Frank Tripuka Jr.
MARS MIGRATION SCUTTLED FOR NOW
(Mars) A growing movement calling for the displacement of political refugees and the great unwashed to the outer regions of the galaxy has been stopped in its tracks due to an overwhelming response here.
The simple enough rocket maneuver, projected to take only three years to complete, is now burdened by the number of applicants for a limited number of seats on the designated spacecraft.
“We are pretty tired of all the whining and the desperation,” said one former Farmland Security official, speaking with a degree of anonymity. “These hordes arrive in masse like a flock of shit birds in the Ceiba trees. They have no wings only a hand outstretched. I can speak for the entire agency when I say we will be happy to be rid of these needy and bothersome creatures.”
According to sketchy details, more than 7 million persons have completed lengthy dossiers and posted hefty non-returnable deposits just to get on the celestial dance card. Academics had expected no more than 500,000 potential exchange students at the commencement of the relocation syllabus.
Meanwhile those who continue to embrace the mundane and glorify stupidity have banded together with the bored again to form a powerful lobby pushing for the colonization of Venus while she’s not looking. That planet, the femme fatale of the Milky Way, has filed an official protest with the Office of Astronomy Raw Materials Intergalactic and Space Exploration (OARWSE)
Efforts to secure pillows, sheets and blankets for the voyage have faltered, leaving assorted palms up and most bungling bureaucrats with their pants down.
– Attila Diggins
¿EL PES TIENE ALMAS?
Reflexiones del reverendo Phil Pharisee
Muchos de ustedes han preguntado: Reverendo Phil, ¿los peces tienen almas? Bueno, ¿nunca has oído hablar de filete de lenguado? Escuchen, hermanos y hermanas, no tengo ni idea. Mi sermón de esta semana trata sobre los trenes de manejo y las transmisiones lentas, pero lo haré girar. Aquí está el gancho: si las tijeretas, las moscas, las arañas y los perros de las praderas tienen almas, ¿por qué los peces no estarían igualmente equipados?
El hecho de que sean de sangre fría no significa que no puedan continuar con otra vida. ¿Deberíamos comerlos? Por qué no? No les importa Una vez que han sido atrapados, de todos modos están prácticamente vaciados. Oso comerlos y también muchos otros animales. Todo es parte del ciclo alimenticio, al igual que nuestro propio pasillo de alimentos congelados.
En realidad, a los peces les resulta muy fácil siempre y cuando no sean engullidos por otros peces. Mientras que el desove es inmoral, la puesta de huevos está perfectamente bien. Capturar truchas con una licencia es ridículo. A ellos les gustan mucho más los gusanos y los huevos de salmón. ¿Deberías usar un bote? Claro, siempre y cuando no entretengas pensamientos obscenos en el lago.
La otra noche, cuando estaba en una conferencia, sabes a quién me dijo, “Chill, Phil. Realmente puedo ponerme detrás de las personas que se ayudan a sí mismas y no me molestan con todos sus pequeños problemas, sus situaciones absurdas. tanto en uno como en el otro sin enfrentar las consecuencias. El asiento caliente está reservado para muchos de ellos que piensan que han asegurado un boleto de primera clase subiendo. Creo que otra Inquisición española despejaría el aire … “
Sincero. Entonces los peces sí tienen almas. Ahora hazle cosquillas a ese plato de recolección y sigue con tu vida. Ustedes chicos en el primer banco ahora estarán en la parte de atrás del autobús más tarde. Adiós.
MINING CLAIM JEOPARDIZES TOWN
The Up Yores Mine near Ames stands regally, perched on a cliff above the valley. Claims by the heirs here threaten to put an end to the expansion of the ski empire at Telluride.
(Telluride) A controversial mining claim, filed Thursday at the San Miguel County Quart House, could threaten future expansion in this resort. The claim, which dates back to 1894, states that the holder have complete access to veins of ore running under the town. Primary excavation is expected to begin next month.
“We thought we’d covered all the bases,” winced one town planner, “but we forgot to purchase the local mineral rights.”
Plans are already on the drawing board to move Telluride three miles to the west, along the Highway 145 Spur with the more fashionable upper east side of town relocating to Pandora.
The more than 200 banking institutions in town are expected to bail until the matter is resolved leaving account holders in limbo, not knowing whether to dig or go bowling. Many have taken to wielding picks and shovels in an attempt to get what’s rightfully theirs in the melee.
“It’s one hell of an approach to annexation,” said the planner. “I’m all in favor of the multi-use philosophy, but this has already gone too far.”
Many of the glitzy ski town’s second one owners have been throwing money at this and other chronic problems for decades but now it covers the streets and is threatening to flow or goods and services to the entire county.
– Atila Diggins
CB Planners Unveil Farm-Raised Parking Spaces
Valet condo spots in the works with county approval
(Gothic) Pedestrians and motorists seeking peace on Elk Avenue remain in the dark as to a revolutionary approach instituted by town officials today. The proposed New Age response to parking problems is perceived as typically organic and even quasi-funky-progressive by local inhabitants, who love to make up new words but actually constitute a small segment of drivers at high season.
The town could have opted for the mainstream, often toxic, parking units but decided to institute a blueprint that celebrates its good health and quality of life. Farm-raised parking spaces, as most of us have long realized, are not cheap, but they are more attractive, often maintenance free and the shelf life of each is outstanding.
Home grown, farm-raised organic parking spaces may soon grace the streets of Crested Butte if radical council members have their way.
The critically acclaimed, agriculturally elite, trophy parking spots are a giant step from the tainted, often grungy units now gracing most towns and cities from Miami to Moline. Plans to condo these parking places is inevitable and appears preferential to meters or those ugly parking garages that dot the urban landscape.
Crested Butte has gained national acclaim as the first community to openly sell parking spaces to residents and selected second-home owners during the lull of off-season. Leaders here feel that if other properties can achieve the condo status then so should parking spaces.
“The condo thing is an obvious next step. We spend a few more dollars now but in the end we get a better bang for the buck,” said Mayor-for-Life Jim Schmidt, who at first branded the idea as wasteful and ridiculous.
“I have come 360 on this,” he said. “I looked below the surface it was clear the farm-raised units were far more stable and certainly more in step with our local environmental concerns. Wild caught units have proven a liability in most ski towns due to related issues with bear and other hungry intruders.
Are these the rantings of people who have lived inside a bubble for too long or are they urban answers to rural annoyances in a town too popular for its own good? Only the evening shadow knows.
-Gabby Haze