All Entries Tagged With: "Silverton"
Everything’s Broken Syndrome Epidemic
(New Jork – Wannabee Flyer — April, 2017)
Research engineers here confirm that the current state of social disrepair has outgrown its traditional parameters. The proportional statistics are not looking good for the future either.
Illustrating this rude malady we see broken vacuum cleaners, dysfunctional bread makers, a wrecked recliner…and that’s just in the living quarters. Out on the barn there is a dilapidated satellite dish, two camper trailers in pieces, a quaint but broken ceramic birdbath and a scattering of school desks scuttled before their time.
The trends see us moving toward throw-away everything in a recycled nightmare,” concludes Dr Irm Peawitt of the Polo Grounds Institute, a new age think tank, located under the 3rd Street Bridge which has been broken and out of commission since the end of hockey season.
“Today in our cities there are over 400,000 toasters out of commission while almost 2500 cars wouldn’t start this morning,” said Peawitt. “We haven’t a clue where to go with all of this but since our budget runs through next December we’ll keep coming to work. We have stored everything in secret, fireproof files for posterity and according to strict federal regulations.”
“God help these government people if the check writing machine or the shredder goes on the fritz,” laughed Peawitt. “My agency accomplishes little and therefore our shenanigans are an open book and every Friday we are paid in gold bars which are nice but often difficult to cash over the weekend.”
– Tommy Middlefinger
“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.”
– Ann Wilson-Schaef
Like learning Vietnamese
After almost 5 months my Vietnamese remains at the basic conversational level. This photo shows the graphic dimensions of a very difficult language to absorb. Photo taken in Dalat.
Putin may owe 3.5 million to IRS
Vladimir Putin has catagorically denied he owed the United States Treasury Department any money since he had never worked in that country. However IRS files suggest that since last summer Putin has received payments of an undisclosed amount from a shadow US government checking account.
For a related thrill read: Putin – Rasputin: A Frightening Genetic Link
“They must be whopper checks or he’s been stuck into a higher tax bracket in accordance with economic sanctions imposed by The Obama Administration,” said someone on television. “So what do you know, Vlad’s been covering his paper tail (stet). He wouldn’t try that in Russia. They skin him alive right there in Fred’s Square.”
In an apparent effort to deflect attention, Putin today named former agents Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale in yet another hacking probe this time involving Dubai, Rio, Angora and Western Nebraska. The Cold War standouts, thought to be long dead have been living in in in Crete.
“We caught them (Boris and Natasha) red-handed,” choked Putin, “They were in Russia illegally to play golf. What fools.”
The well-tanned centenarians were arrested on the ninth hole (a tight par 3 with a dogleg left) while playing a round despite the frigid temperatures at Frostbite Balls, a golf corpse owned by the retired spies.
Longtime associates Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Bullwinkle the Moose, who filled out the odd foursome, were not held in connection with the incident. Friends fear for their well-being as Putin has placed them on the “endangered species list” for their own protection.
– Margot “Ramones” Romanoff
Cuba wants to use rum to repay debts
(Havana) The Cuban government has announced its aim to repay foreign debtors with it’s famous rums. (Name a few here) have been earmarked as the finest for export to countries who have helped the island nation weather he storm of economic embargo.
Russia and China are already on board with the Czech Republic, Vietnam and an assortment of South American countries showing interest in the plan. Other say “maybe…but what kind?”
A wide range of quality of rum exists in Cuba from gourmet to low-end. The rate of exchange and how the rum would be shipped were not clear however the architects of the exchange appear certain that the deal will go through, allowing everyone to enjoy the national nectar.
“Everyone knows about Havana cigars,” said one official here. “But many don’t realize we produce the finest rums in the world. Soon we might even sell the beverage in Western countries who have supported to embargo, she said.
Lobbyists with several Puerto Rican rum distillers have filed a complaint with the United Nations and the OAS but no one has responded from those organizations leading watchdogs to believe them naive in the ways of international business.
“The rum is easily the best and we don’t really want to export it at all,” said the source alluding to the thirsty residents of the Caribbean locale. “It’s either the rum or coconuts which are perishable or Fifties vintage Chevrolets that are cumbersome and somewhat impractical anywhere else but here.”
– Jolly Pena
“They think we’re old and useless. They forget that we too have earned he right to live! So I say if we are going to die, my friend, let us die trying, not sitting” – Sa to Ch’idzigyaak after the two old women were left behind by their starving nomadic tribe in the Arctic.
– Two Old Women by Velma Wallis
House Republican Yard sale:
April 10 – May 31: Uncompahgre National Forest, Rio Grand National Forest, Gunnison National Forest (silent bidding only please) plus household goods, children’s swings, toys, transmission for 1958 Edsel, used bed sheets, washer and dryer. No sales before 9 am. No phone calls.
New Eastwood Film Shot in Gunnison
(Jack’s Cabin) An internationally acclaimed script about Siberian prison guards training here appears to be headed for the silver screen. Directed by Clint Eastwood, who, according to a Harris Poll, is the nation’s most popular movie star, the film chronicles the lives of several Russian soldiers who trained in the Gunnison Valley for winter military duty in Siberia.
The story begins prior to World War I with czarist prison guards bivouacked up Taylor Canyon on a frigid morning. It follows the strained relations of the Stalin years and ends up with a present day scenario featuring joint cooperation between former Cold War enemies.
“Running the gauntlet from back in the early Nineteenth Century,” synopsized Eastwood, “we watch as clean-shaven, godless Red Slavic hordes are transformed into clean-shaven, red-blooded anti-terrorist contingents secretly linked to NATO. It has all the elements of another blockbuster.”
When surveyed most Gunnison residents were not sure if the film was based on fact or simply a fictitious account.
“It will beat the hell out of watching the weather reports,” said one chilly well digger who lives in Antelope Hills.
“I’d go to more movies in the winter but it’s too cold to leave the house,” said another resident who sells ice.
Although admittedly far fetched the movie does offer a human side when former Soviet Naval forces, sent to Miami for rest and recuperation, riot when told they won’t be returning to Gunnison for two weeks. This scene is reminiscent of clips from Doctor Shiva showing disgruntled Russian soldiers returning home from the front in 1916.
-Small Mouth Bess
