All Entries Tagged With: "San Juans"
AUTUMN HOROSCOPE
“Just relax. Drink until you see your Aunt Marie or Grandad Joseph.”
– Cristal Callalou on El Dia de Los Muertos – Carriacou, Grenada
LIBRA (September 23 – October 23)
Although you generally say the right thing it is often to the wrong person. Invisible is sometimes better than invincible especially when dealing with the authorities. Business dealings will be successful if you stick to negotiations with people more naive than you. This will indeed limit the scope of activity but could put money in your pocket. Avoid delegating responsibilities since no one is listening to you anyway.
SCORPIO (October 24 – November 22)
Build a better mousetrap and someone cleverer than you will jack up the price of cheese. Question reality. Listeners you wish to captivate will sit up and take notice just so long as you limit contact to the telephone. Personal appearances will backfire as people find you less than attractive through the 15th. Open a charge account at the county landfill. Oh, if only golden retrievers could vote…
SAGITTARIUS (November 23 – December 21)
Avoid conversations with yourself regarding subject matter that is above your head. Friends may question your choice of breath mints in the late afternoon. Comprehension of cereal box literature is directly related to the individual appetite. Is your head half full or half empty? Remember: Severe skin disease isn’t for everyone. Face it: That bullet wound in the front of your head may require medical attention before the weekend. Spend quality time with a bottle of Russian vodka.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Don’t let fortuitous developments slip through your fingers. Wear mittens. Avoid aggressive exhibition of self-control when dealing with underlings. Although you dress much like an adult the jury is still out when it comes to applied maturity on all fronts. The days are getting shorter and so is your attention span. Your planets are lined up at the soup kitchen. Visit a relative in jail this weekend.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 19)
Your position as breadwinner has become quite stale. Try tortillas. Sly manipulation is better than direct confrontation when it comes to houseplants. Blaze orange clashes with blood-shot eyes. A willingness to compromise wins friends and allies. A willingness to purchase rounds of drinks keeps them in tow. If you are going to be a deadbeat be the best darn deadbeat you can be. Pay all debts promptly or leave town a little more promptly. A day trip to the local zoo could help determine evasive family roots.
PISCES (February 20 -March 20)
Spend time at the bottom of the tank in the afternoon. Fish smells like fish. Cattle smell like cattle. Avoid the surf and turf. Mrs. Paul has her one good eye on you. Keep your fins to yourself. Today is trash day and it is a good idea for you to keep on the move. Your bubbly attitude, good hygiene and fresh approach to menial tasks will cause fellow workers to vomit. If you cannot develop a bad attitude on your own seek professional help. Those personal hygiene problems will disappear at the car wash.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Today is a great time to get the cat a tattoo. Your culinary talents will emerge tonight with the arrival of a functional can opener to hunting camp. There is more to life than beans but not much more. Take only advice that is not nailed down. Do not rely on social workers that live in cardboard boxes. Hunting camp will be a gas about an hour after dinner is served. Stay upwind from yourself. When searching for personal faults try an objective topo map. Wash your hands before and after exercising good judgment.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Your conscience is in storage and the key is misplaced in your Third House. Sour grapes are in season. You may indeed possess a dull mind but then again you are good at keeping secrets. Deal with domestic disagreements at the other end of the bar. A man with an extremely large nose wants to buy you a continental breakfast. A casual compliment could turn ugly by lunch. You may find personal growth an evasive issue. Try dwelling on negative attributes while waiting for the traffic light to change. October is a bad month to jump out of airplanes, especially if they are still on the ground.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Suspenders can be handy in keeping your pants up but a good belt of scotch is easier to manipulate in a tight situation. Charm school can be expensive but don’t hold out for a scholarship. Perceived wisdom has shorted out what is left of your tiny brain. Red is your color and intimidation is your game but keep an industrial size bottle of smelling salts handy in case a lucky sucker punch hits home. No matter what the situation be sure to stay on…stay right on…the turnip cart. Pets may find it difficult to adjust to your new wallpaper through the end of the month.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
You are far too insensitive to take feelings to heart, far too egotistical to take it on the chin and far too closed minded to lend an ear. Get a leg up on life and keep adversaries at an arm’s length. Sticking your neck out will not distract the hangman. The concept of renting your house to transient dog handlers will result in a mess even bigger than life. Take heart, as your bowling handicap is higher than your IQ. It’s October. Do you know where your ozone is tonight? Helplessness is not an end in itself but could be the beginning of someone else’s problem.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Your nasal passages may be closed for the weekend. Try using chains. Do something nice for local livestock. Don’t allow tedious good judgment to interfere with impulsive desires. Complete all hangovers. Patience is the key. Tinker. The best day for romance was about a month or two ago. You may be ticketed for passing a kidney stone on a dangerous curve. Avoid getting up on the wrong side of the bed by not getting up at all. Get everything in writing even if you cannot read. Put the heavy loads of your life on the gentile cycle.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Your innate ability to amuse freshwater fish may be a major asset in the backwaters of rural America but don’t try the same approach when dealing with urban sharks. Don’t confuse seasonal and spicy. Your Halloween costume will be a big hit with pigeons. Self-improvement may be out of the question until summer so enjoy your lot while you can. Quit your job over the phone. It’s the thing to do. Vote the cosmic ticket this fall. Beware of whiskered men in plaid shirts and lavish dinners in Styrofoam containers. Things will only get better when you do.
IF YOU WERE BORN A DEER OR ELK
For heaven’s sake make yourself scarce this month! We don’t want to alarm you, but there are thousands of loonies, armed to the teeth out in your woods looking for meat…and that meat is you! Unless you think you’d look good next to a bowl of potatoes please adhere to this simple advice: Stay high and keep your antlers about you if you want to be around come Thanksgiving.
Halloween – A Celtic Thing
From the outside, this website looks pretty basic, but it gets complicated fast. The publisher is in Pahrump this week, engaged in beach frolic while the often responsible managing editor is out betting against the Broncos. That leaves me here with Freddy Kruegar, The Mummy and an assortment of zombies, vampires and skeletons on a slow news day no less, to do everything. Morbid decorations.
Let’s see here then…halitosis….hallelujah…ah yes, Halloween. It seems the perfect fantasy matter for late October.
While the observation of Halloween in this country carries an array of perceptions and conceptions, it is quite a different experience on the Celtic Isles of Scotland and Ireland where the Hallow E’en celebration or Oiche Samhain originated. To the Pre-Christian Celts, Halloween was a sacred pagan holy day where it was believed that the spirits of the dead could return to their former life and make contact with the spirits of the living. In that ancient society, dominated by the enlightened and mysterious Druids, Halloween was an end of the summer fire feast where the gods were thanked for a rich harvest.
The Manx called it Hoptu Naa and the Welsh called it Calan Gaeaf. In the Gaeltacht of Western Ireland the people call the celebration Pooky Night, named after the mischievous Puka, a fairy of some regard. Either way it was all pretty much the same big carnival at a time of the year when the crops were in and magic was said to be most potent. In addition, it represented the mid-point in the Celtic calendar and the entry into the dark phase of the year.
The tradition of costumes originates on these islands too. Where merrymakers would mimic or placate the dead with painted faces and ghoulish attire. They were short on super hero outfits, and pre-fab plastics with accessories, so they had to rely on the magic itself to pull off their disguise. In Ireland and Scotland today many people simply done the white face paint and black robes in an attempt to continue this tradition – the cycle of birth and death in line with the order and harmony of the universe…a far cry from our commercial Halloween.
The practice of trick or treat (called mumming in Ireland) has been traced to the Celts too, as well as the Romans who invaded England. These conquerors sought to honor their Goddess Pomona, protector of the harvest, whose symbol was the apple, now an inherent part of Halloween celebrations. All of these feasts carried the unifying belief in the powerful symbolism of the moving dead, prayed for by the living
All was well until puffy Pope Boniface IV decided that people were having too much fun. He turned the whole shooting match into a holy day of obligation where the faithful faced mandatory Mass attendance and an assortment of petty restrictions. Excommunication was never far away, lurking in the darkness of the Vatican vault or cleverly veiled amid centuries of macabre masquerade. The Pope could not accept the idea of a special day for all of the dead so he turned it into a day for just the blessed dead…All Saints Day. If you didn’t go along with the Pope on this one your crops would fail and your livestock would die mysteriously. Blasphemers, pontifically defined, would certainly spend eternity in the Netherworld at unending barbecue mode.
The Jack-O-Lantern also came from these isles but was carved from a large turnip since pumpkins were not indigenous to the Irish soil. The legend tells of a greedy gambler, Stingy Jack, who once tricked the devil and was condemned to eternally wander the earth at night. The lantern was placed outside to help him find his way and, possibly to keep him out of the flower beds, off the lawn and from peeking in the windows. The more bountiful pumpkin, used today to create the frightening, toothy faces on the jack-o-lantern, only came into play after early settlers brought it back to Europe (along with the potato) from the Americas.
Although the origins of our Halloween are clearly Celtic, Day of the Dead observances are popular in Mexico, Egypt, Guatemala, and the Caribbean. In Michoacan, Oaxaca, Chaipas and Merida, on the Yucatan children receive little chocolate sculls and families build altars piled high with food and the things the deceased loved one enjoyed in life. The altars are then decorated with marigolds to honor the dead. Pan de muertos (Bread of the dead) is baked to accentuate the feasting.
In Chichicastenango, Guatemala a massive procession begins at one end of town and snakes to the other. Along with the Jesus and Mary statues the alternative Creole deity, Rahsheeman, rides elevated through the streets. Sugar cane liquor is everywhere. Cannons are fired and bedlam is not far off. Up father north, at haunting Nebaj, the naturales engage in inebriated horse races which are quite a sight to behold (from the sidelines with a plate of Hilachas).
In Cariacou, Grenada the party starts in the evening at the local boneyard where graves are turned into bars and everyone toasts dead relatives throughout the night. Fortune telling takes second fiddle to the consumption of under-de-counta (under the counter) a fortified (99% proof) rum from Trinidad fermented with spices and reputed aphrodisiacs. Now these folks really know how to throw a party. Chevere Boo, Babies !
-Kevin Haley
WAITING FOR WINTER, October 24,2020
In a blink of an eye autumn’s backyard daydreams drift into long nights by the stove. Spirits chuckle. Snow clouds in the southwest skies by morning, a Rocky Mountain warning.
Wait no more, October 25
A glance to the sky, a spec of white snow The lifeblood of creatures above and below. Then came the deluge – a foot or so.
Colorado Barbers Cash In on Marijuana Harvest
(Not-In-Montrose-You -Don’t) Many Western Slope hair cutters are augmenting their incomes in the agricultural sector this fall by trimming marijuana plants.
The logical, symbiotic progression began last year and has taken off in 2020 due to the burgeoning demand for the product and the presence of an expert workforce needing to earn a few bucks before winter sets in.
The lingering virus and the beleaguered economy have disproportionately hurt barbers who generally welcomed the seasonal labor. Many expect to survive due to tolerance toward what was once seen as the devil’s weed.
“It’s clear that intimate services are not top priority these days,” said Belle Toole, a salon owner in Colona. “We had to do something. Then our Benevolent Brotherhood of Hemp Associates flew into action.”
Toole explained that many of the barbers had ever handled the crop but that after they got used to the stickiness and the aroma they chopped and severed and cut away.
Several stylists in the region can produce 3 pounds of clean bud in an eight-hour shift. Unlike hair on the floor syndrome, this bi-product can be used for cooking and industrial components, gradually replacing lumber, cotton, and even petroleum.
“Their work is of top quality and they bring their own scissors,” said one grower, happy to see the process run smoothly.
– Salvador “The Barber” Calabria
“I once yearned for justice. Now I just want a little mercy.” – Kris Kristopherson
