All Entries Tagged With: "San Juan Mountains"
Sujeto de tablas tambaleantes desvestidas por el Consejo
(Wimpton) El ayuntamiento local ha votado 33-1 para prohibir la importación de más mesas tambaleantes a la región. La acción se tomó después de que se recibieran cientos de quejas de los consumidores aquí.
“No podemos resolver todos los problemas en el expediente”, dijo un miembro del consejo, “pero por suerte tendremos estabilidad donde tomamos nuestras comidas. No hay nada peor que un bamboleo cuando uno está tratando de beber un vaso lleno martini o consumir salsa de frijoles en los blancos de verano “.
Varios miembros que pagaron no comentaron sobre planes adicionales para mesas tambaleantes que ya están en la región o la presencia de sillas tambaleantes a lo largo de la frontera.
En la actualidad, una ordenanza local requiere el atornillado de todos los muebles de plástico y perros en general antes del Día de las Elecciones.
En los viejos negocios: el tema del olor del tanque séptico se pospuso hasta que los decoradores decidieron sobre un nuevo fondo de pantalla y un estacionamiento para discapacitados ampliado adyacente a las cámaras del consejo.
– Herradura de Cachemira
Protect Us From Martians
Proof the Wall is working! The Department of Concocted Security reports no new intrusions by Martians in October thanks to border closures and mindless militias. Other earth-bound aliens seem to be arriving daily, desperately punching holes in the flimsy immigration policies.
“Peculiar imbecilities and theologic bilge.”
“Tennessee anti-evolution law, whatever its wisdom, was at least Constitutional – the the yahoos of the state had a clear right to have their progeny taught whatever they chose and kept secure from whatever knowledge violated their superstitions.”
– H.L.Mencken covering the Scopes Monkey Trial for The Baltimore Evening Sun, 1925
Sounds a bit like some of our brethren haven’t progressed at all in the past 100 years?
Campaign Workers Should Plead Insanity
Yet Another Whining Editorial
(Chicago) Campaign workers, still convinced that their chosen candidate represents the panacea, the solution, should plead insanity when confronted with recent childish behavior during the elections.
Comparing typical responses of enthusiasm to canned laughter, critics of the process say opiated followers only encourage politicians to ignore the real issues and allow these charade masters to misrepresent the truth.
“These glazed over straw hat provincials are the core of what’s wrong with our electoral process,” said one political analyst who has already projected a winner in the 2024 and 2028 Presidential races.
To many delegates and party-liners the whole process is just a big party. The association with a given candidate gives the volunteer worker a does of validity in an otherwise often stumblebum existence. They ride the coat-tails of their chosen one to victory, claiming that they had a small part. Their responses are inappropriate, their souls tainted by the two-party system. Most couldn’t pass a high school civics test.
They cheer enthusiastically when their candidate spouts more tired rhetoric or passes wind. It’s all the same to them. The politician promises to help the farmers…They cheer madly. He/she pledges relief for the working poor…The house comes down. The candidate paints a picture of himself as the messiah…They are brought to the edge of righteousness, tears in their blind eyes.
– Hashad Haddock
Propuesta de la Patria Vulcana
Una votación final programada para el viernes en el Senado determinará cuándo y si se establecerá una Patria Vulcana en la región de las Montañas Rocosas. Los vulcanos, aliados desde hace mucho tiempo de nuestra Federación, han estado presionando por su propio territorio desde 1974 cuando fueron expulsados de su planeta por los malvados Clingons.
Los sitios que se están considerando ahora incluyen Sapinero, Colorado; Page, Arizona y Mexican Hat, Utah. Como los lectores notarán, el área del lago Powel ha sido un lugar sagrado en la mitología vulcana desde 1956. Los extraterrestres terrestres han estado presionando por su propia nación dentro de los Estados Unidos debido a problemas de asimilación en nuestra cultura general.
“Se burlan de mi hijo en la escuela por sus oídos”, dijo un vulcano local. “Tararearán una melodía diferente cuando tengan que enfrentarse a él en un combate de lucha libre”, dijo, aparentemente refiriéndose al anunciado Vulcan Nerve Pinch, común a la especie y perfeccionado por el oficial científico Spock a bordo del Starship Enterprise.
No estaba claro de inmediato si los vulcanoides romulanos serían asimilados a la nueva patria.
El senador de Colorado Oral Noise le dijo a The Horseshoe que le gustaría que la medida pasara por la Cámara y el Senado a toda velocidad.
Congress Reschedules Colonoscopies Until After Elections
(Warshinkton) The United States Congress today rescheduled a group colonoscopy for November 6, three days after the coming election. The sudden shift affects 50 senators and over 80 representatives.
“We have been on hold here since Obamacare so what’s another month?” asked Winnie Kampachi (Unitarian-MT).
The reason given for the cancellations was quite vague as has become customary within the governing body. Some say the simple surgery will conflict with last minute campaigning while others expressed concern that their medical results may get lost in the mail now that the USPS has been castrated.
“Considering the scope of things here most of our “leaders” don’t want to be on-camera until they can better analyze the polls in the days preceding homecoming at their designated Electoral College.
Politicians in the loser’s seat after November 3 are in heated debate over what constitutes a pre-existing condition and what is clearly cranium-rectal disorder, easily treated with overpriced robber baron pharmaceuticals.
The Congress will not be in session on the day of the colonoscopies despite the fact that the intrusive checkup is an outpatient procedure.
– Hal A. Butt
