All Entries Tagged With: "Rockies"
Drywall Museum Gets Nod
(Montrose) A historical museum to honor the region’s dry wallers has gotten the nod from County Commissioners and will now be returned to the mayor’s desk a final go-ahead signature. According to civic sources two of the three current County Commissioners fell asleep during the hearings with the remaining commissioner, a former building inspector, abstaining due to conflict of interest. Nevertheless the measure passed nevertheless and the museum moved that much closer to a reality.
The cost of the construction is estimated to be in the $500,000 range. When completed it is expected that over 14,000 tourists per day will tour the facility.
“The US has its “xenophobia, its saber-rattling, its theocratic leanings, its denial of facts and science, its tribalism, and its petty and boorish president.”
– Dr. Ted Gup, Durham University, Great Britain
Rather grand in its own right…
The Black Canyon National Park is open and offers a fine spot for hiking, wildlife viewing, climbing and vertigo adventures. Easily accessed from Highway 50 just east of Montrose, the Black Canyon is one of the least visited (yet most dramatic) National Parks and fewer people means a more relaxed, natural experience. With dramatic vistas and easy access to the Gunnison River, it is the perfect place to enjoy a day or two in Western Colorado this summer. (Winter photo-Please pardon the snow).
All Cars To Be Same Color by ’24
(Detroit) According to the nation’s big three auto makers all cars manufactured after 2024 will be the same color. This will hold true with cars and trucks made in the U.S. as well as those produced by other major players such as Japan, Germany, Russia and Great Britain.
“It’s tribal,” said one CEO
According to an auto industry spokesperson there is no utilitarian purpose for all the colors, which were only an enticement aimed at getting people to buy cars that they thought would make a statement such as the red Corvette, the black Dakota or the silver Land Rover.
“We think today’s driver is brighter and wants to save on unnecessary frills,” clutched a high industry source. “What is red anyway but a mixture of orange and black? And what of canary yellow, or blue opal? It’s all but an illusion.”
At present every car will be painted desert tan, as it comes off the assembly line, but marketing departments are scurrying to come up with a more exciting sounding name than desert tan.
“It’s kind of a screened prune color or maybe even a rose adobe or shrouded copper, I don’t know,” he said. “I’m sure our people will come up with something nice even if it makes no logical sense at all.”
Consumer reaction was mixed with some saying color is one of the major factors to consider when purchasing a vehicle and others saying you can’t tell the difference between a Cadillac and a Mercedes anymore anyway.
“They might as well all be the same color,” quipped one potential buyer. “I’d just like to meet the person who sold them all that paint.”
– Gabby Haze
Todos los autos serán del mismo color por ’22
(Detroit) Según los tres grandes fabricantes de automóviles de la nación, todos los autos fabricados después de 2022 serán del mismo color. Esto se aplicará a los automóviles y camiones fabricados en los EE. UU., Así como a los producidos por otros jugadores importantes, como Japón, Alemania, Rusia y Gran Bretaña.
De acuerdo con un portavoz de la industria automotriz, no hay un propósito utilitario para todos los colores, que eran solo una incitación para que la gente compre autos que pensaban que harían una declaración como el Corvette rojo, el Dakota negro o el Land Rover plateado.
“Creemos que el conductor de hoy es más brillante y quiere ahorrar en costos innecesarios”, dijo una fuente de la industria. “¿Qué es el rojo de todos modos, pero una mezcla de naranja y negro? ¿Y qué pasa con el amarillo canario o el ópalo azul? Es todo menos una ilusión”.
En la actualidad, todos los autos se pintarán de color bronceado del desierto, ya que sale de la línea de ensamblaje, pero los departamentos de mercadotecnia se apresuran a encontrar un nombre que suene más emocionante que el de bronceado del desierto.
“No sé”, dijo. “Es una especie de color de ciruela o tal vez incluso una rosa de adobe o cobre cubierto”, dijo. “Estoy seguro de que a nuestra gente se le ocurrirá algo bueno, incluso si no tiene ningún sentido lógico”.
La reacción del consumidor se mezcló con un dicho que dice que el color es uno de los factores más importantes que se deben tener en cuenta al comprar un vehículo y otros dicen que, de todos modos, no se puede notar la diferencia entre un Cadillac y un Mercedes.
“Podrían ser todos del mismo color”, dijo un potencial comprador. “Me gustaría conocer a la persona que les vendió toda esa pintura”.
– Gabby Haze
Red Mountain Open for the Summer
Red Mountain Pass, along with Molas Pass and Coal Bank Hill are open for business after a series of slides, late snowfall and herds of sheep prevented the transportation artery from functioning at full capacity in May. Above we catch a reenactment of the 1890 range wars that left thousands disenfranchised. Note the remnants of crude guard rails at the bottom of the ravine. (Miraflora Marigold Photo)
Congress Agrees to Salary Cuts
Washington) Breaking ranks with its predecessors of 225 years, the United States Senate today ratified a bill that calls for deep salary cuts and sweeping changes in how the legislative body does business.
Setting precedent that completely defies tradition, both the House and Senate the law makers agreed to a 35% salary cut starting in 2021. Along with the adjustment the elected officials will also see a decrease in benefits, travel allowances, expense accounts and retirement packages.
According to unreliable sources within the governing body the move comes as an attempt to undress the growing deficit which is expected to go through the roof over the next four years.
“The economy has been manipulated by an administration with no sense of fiscal responsibility,” said Senator Oral Noise (Unitarian-CA). “Bandwagon tax cuts and deficit spending at a time of rising inflation and a weakened dollar will inevitably spell disaster for the nation. We have to do something. Whether it’s going to have an impact or be parked on a side street as only a gesture, at least it’s a move in the right direction.”
Critics on both sides of the bouncing ball say the action represents too little, too late.
“Where were the Republican critics when they rode the President’s coat tails to victory in November?” asked Trump financial analyst Hector Yuro, one of several millionaire minorities named to the Trump team last month. So what if the Euro is becoming the fiscal standard. It’s all just on paper anyway and there’s a war going on!”
One high ranking Democrat praised the move in that his party must take the initiative to avoid an embarrassing government bankruptcy.
“If the GOP was running an oil company or a baseball team he’s be out of business,” said Jacqueline B. Quicke, who, in an eleventh hour plea for votes, agreed to take her entire constituency to Las Vegas in November. “Unless of course some powerful Saudi family has reserved all of the hotel rooms.
House Republicans slammed the salary cuts calling the move grandstanding on the part of Democrats who want to make Donald Don Trump look bad on television.
“These un-American ideologues want to make The President look like an idiot on television when in fact he is our savior,” wept one former pest exterminator now legislator from Houston. “Don’t they know he’s got a direct line to the Lord?”
Cynics within both governing bodies say Trump should go to a higher power to borrow the money to pay off the rising deficit.
“Surely with his new religious connections he could obtain a few trillion and give us a surplus with which to keep on keepin’ on,” said one urban Democrat who predicts chaos in his precinct with the eminent collapse of social programs due to economic bungling.
“The joke around here goes something like this,” he laughed: “Donald goes to God for the money to pull us out of this mess and God says: Ask your dad.”
“The current quagmire revolves around the fact that the President has already borrowed vast sums from his father, during the Party Years, and has never paid any of it back,” said the source. “The real problem is that government is nothing but a money pit. We ought to shut the whole thing down and go back to living in caves.”
Although there have been spotty threats to filibuster, the bill appears to have the support needed to become law. The action has been applauded by bankers and economists all over the country especially in light of findings that almost all of those affected are already wealthy and don’t need the money anyway. Besides, throngs of lobbyists are expected to make up the difference with incentives and give-aways aimed at gaining the approval of law makers.
“This is just another charade aimed at convincing the American people that someone is actually in charge here,” added Quicke. “The money saved through these salary cuts won’t even be enough to pay Congressional limo drivers for a month. Maybe our leaders should consider public transportation. Now that would be something.”
In a related development Vice President Mike “Six” Pence orchestrated a surprise visit to the Senate today urging that body to come to its senses on the matter. Saying that a dangerous precedent was already in motion Pence petitioned members to rethink their actions and give themselves a raise.
“If rich people like us start giving away our money we’re all going down the tubes,” he all but whispered. “We can’t let on that there’s a problem or we’ll have chaos in the streets like they have in Paris and Caracas. We don’t need (that kind of) democracy here. We have the Electoral Collages, flat-screen TVs, cheap gas and Wal-Mart.”
– Kashmir Horseshoe
“You still have the soul of a heathen, even though you speak like a Christian and don’t go around naked,” Sister Angelica said. “It isn’t just that it doesn’t bother her, Mother, but she helped them to escape because she wanted them to go back to being savages.”
-From The Green House” by Mario Vargas Llosa