All Entries Tagged With: "Rockies"
Cómo conocer otras verduras
(Denver) Oye, ¿hay tomate al vapor por la llegada de otro invierno mientras te sientes solo en la vid? Siéntate en el soleado jardín de las delicias terrenales como un frijol en una misión y quién sabe qué es el nabo.
En primer lugar, uno debe aplastar efectivamente todas las nociones en cuanto a los chirivías que pueden ocurrir en el mundo único. Todas las verduras son diferentes y el buscador debe emplear una variedad de tácticas en cada caso. Ejemplo: si está intentando llamar la atención de una papa temprana, no se presente media hora tarde. Si te atrae una dulce cebolla de las Bermudas, no vayas a Montreal.
Si bien las relaciones entre vegetales como el colinabo y el repollo chino son raras, no son imposibles siempre y cuando ambas partes tengan en cuenta las diferencias de religión y origen étnico. La acelga suiza puede estar feliz con la berenjena, pero solo si comprenden las necesidades y prioridades de cada uno.
Nadie quiere ser visto como una ocurrencia tardía. Incluso la okra, el perejil y los pimientos necesitan sentirse como el especial del día también. No importa que el maíz, los tomates y las batatas se vean como suplementos de la tarifa principal. NADIE QUIERE JUGAR EL SEGUNDO FIDDLE EN UNA CAMA DE ARROZ. Es mucho más efectivo comenzar la relación de forma equitativa y seleccionar y elegir los personajes accesorios a medida que avanza. Una calabaza no actuará en el rollo de soporte. Lechuga de cabeza quiere estar a cargo. Las sandías tienen muchas semillas.
Quizás el elemento más importante necesario para un vínculo fuerte es la apariencia y el comportamiento personal. A nadie le gusta un pepino sucio o lentejas con una higiene inadecuada. La col rizada que se ha vuelto blanda nunca será cosechada. Esto va para los guisantes, la okra, los rábanos y las cebollas también. En todas las relaciones de amor hay ruibarbo que no se pueden evitar, pero serán menos frecuentes si uno sigue una constitución que fertiliza tanto como las aguas.
Por último, y posiblemente lo más importante: no pasar el tiempo en las endivias si quieres cumplir con los cultivos de calidad. Es mejor ir a los lugares más agradables. Algunos lugares excelentes para conocer otras verduras incluyen mercados al aire libre, organizaciones perennes, seminarios de enlatado, invernaderos y algunas granjas de camiones. Los lugares que se deben evitar incluyen el pasillo de alimentos congelados en la tienda de comestibles, puestos transitorios en las carreteras y, como ya hemos dicho, las endivias ahumadas de todo tipo.
Esperamos sinceramente que este breve consejo le ayude a mantenerse abrigado este invierno. Tienes que cavar un poco de tierra, amigo mío, si quieres que el jardín crezca.
Yeah, we’ve got water but…
The snowpack is up and the streams are roaring down the valleys but it dries out quick here in the Rockies. Please be careful with fire in the forest this summer. With an increase is visitors we ain’t out of the woods yet.
Gun Lobbyists Angry Over Dodging Bullet Reference
(Washington) The weapons industry is up in arms this morning after a wire services report asserting that the group had “dodged a bullet” on further gun control legislation.
The noted reprieve allegedly occurred after the House voted to table a discussion on further background checks at the time of a purchase and the option of a follow-up investigation if red flags present themselves down the road.
Several Republican gun proponents say the terminology was insensitive and it suggested they could make great targets.
“These enemies of the people will stop at nothing to turn America over to the socialists,” said one representative bankrolled by the weapons lobby.
“Just look around. The country is full of whackos with assault rifles and this article clearly puts pro-gun officials in the line of fire.”
The editors of this piece say they were not encouraging violence or enabling hate groups even though the other side does so every day. They say they were simply writing a headline and that the expression, while admittedly “close to the core” was spot on and “a damn good use of the language”.
When asked if they thought the media was in part to blame for gun violence they did not respond.
“These elected officials are trading the story and safety of their country for 40 pieces of silver, aren’t they?” asked one journalist who contributed to the report. “People are irresponsible and abusive with everything from umbrellas to paper clips. Why would we expect any difference from a man holding a loaded gun?”
Responsible gun owners, keen to separate themselves from all this pettiness in the capital, contend that all the laws in the universe would not keep guns out of the hands of criminals.
“They just buy illegally,” said one pro-gun activist. “We must change the consciousness of an entire nation that was built on violence. That won’t be easy but flapdoodle restriction on my owning guns is not the answer. I’ve got mountain lions running all over hell out at my place. If a hungry one comes to the door what should I do? Should I hit it with a dishtowel?
“While most gun owners are peaceful and responsible others should not have access to firearms at all. How could society achieve this balance without government intervention? Can these sociopaths be expected to police themselves?” he asked.
The “offended parties” threatened to take legal action after consultation with benefactors and a peek at the polls.
“The suggestion that they have dodged a bullet indicates that my clients were being shot at by someone,” said attorneys for the offended parties. “That statement alone incites violence and these scribes should be severely punished for irresponsible reporting, lewd partisanship and scapegoating.”
– Small Mouth Bess
SATAN’S FACE ON KIND BUD
(Montrose) Residents here claim to have glimpsed the face of Lucifer, the Dark Angel, on a marijuana bud. The image, foggy at best, does resemble a face but determining whose face might require expensive testing and could be cost prohibitive.
The face of Satan is clearly visible on a marijuana bud in Montrose say residents there. How this might affect the future of dispensaries there is not known. Currently the county has no recreational marijuana outlets and only two medical ones.
The image does not talk or move around in any way. It is generally detected by the more superstitious and those frightened by the variables of afterlife. The community has only two medical pot facilities and no marijuana dispensaries despite lucrative tax revenues.
Montrose, Delta and Mesa Counties may not have marijuana dispensaries but these counties have a burgeoning drug problem mostly in the form of meth and heroin.
“Legislating morality doesn’t work,” said one pot proponent here. “Look at the stats. Look at places where there is an attitude toward education and responsible living. That’s where drug addiction and wanted pregnancies are the rule not the exception.”
Others say the face of Satan is a sign and that people should not smoke pot.
“How much more do we need?” asked a county commissar who demanded anonymity. “Now we see clearly that marijuana is in league with the Devil. Most people around these parts get it all right. Why can’t people just stick to what’s legal? A big old steak and a Coors was good enough for my grandparents and it’s good enough for me.”
– Tommy Middlefinger
YOUR WEATHER
COLD DAY IN HELL
This Friday’s forecast calls for the metaphorical and proverbial cold day in hell with temperatures projected to plummet to the high 40s by smoky dawn. Already today we have observed people scurrying about trying to cover oaths and promises voiced in relation to the saying and the unlikely shift to cold weather down in quasi-tropical hell.
“It’ll be a cold day in hell when I work for you again,” they would say or “It’ll be a cold day in hell when I invite you to my funeral.”
Technically a negative analogy, statements like the above seek to compare the chances of and encounter with the chances of a phenomenon occurring. In the case of hell that phenomenon has never transpired.
A warming trend is expected by Sunday with highs returning to the more seasonal level of 137 degrees. Light winds are anticipated from Limbo and Purgatory by evening.
Toupee Warning Extended
A toupee warning is in effect for Ouray, San Miguel, San Juan, Gunnison, Hinsdale, Delta and Montrose Counties through Friday night due to high winds with particularly acute and sticky conditions lingering on in Dolores and Montezuma Counties through the weekend.
The odd caveat is particularly perilous in tree-covered regions above 7000 feet near rocky slopes. Persons in those Region Zen can look forward to high, unpredictable winds that will make wearing toupees, hair pieces, tasteful wigs and even the more flamboyant hats a hazardous endeavor.
Many counties have already seen law enforcement personnel confiscating the artificial tufts due to cutting, vengeful, gusting winds roaring through Edith Bunker National Forest and the skimming the lightly defended Peaks of Cannabis Village Retirement Home. To the south star gazers will be delighted with the night skies as the wind subsides whooshing and whistling, albeit methodically, its disruptive way to the Sea of Cortez..
Scientists Isolate Antidote for Molybdenum
(Gothic)) Research associates at the Rocky Mountain Biological Laboratory here have successfully unleashed a new formula that removes neutral ions and most base elements common to the substance called molybdenum. The breakthrough, called revolutionary in even the most conservative circles, isolates the moly then strips it away from mountain veins in a classic precipitation by suspended vapor.
Celebrated as the homogeneous answer to the mining vs. environment issue here, the formula is expected to be stitched together using a prehistoric DNA spur solution and synthetic genomes left lying around last summer then applied undiluted where the existence of moly is most chronic. When there’s no more molybdenum, there’s no more need to extract the stuff from the ground.
“We’ll probably spray the mixture in its liquid state all over Red Lady by air,” said one activist, “then pipe clean water and air into the exposed cavities so to muck out holdover minerals. The key is to complete the distribution of the antidote without awakening the natural gas fields, coal deposits, gold and silver ore and zinc strains that have always run through these mountains. The process is simple enough and reasonably safe although we are replacing the atomic structure by occupying interstitial positions above 12,000 feet
Molybdenum is used to harden steel. In addition to military uses, the alloy is used to manufacture tennis racquets and mountain bikes. Heavy deposits are found in Iran, parts of Russia and in Colorado. For decades, most people in Crested Butte have fought attempts to mine the alloy saying mining conflicts with lifestyles and livelihoods for the majority of residents.
It ain’t cheap to buy land here however under the controversial Mining Law of 1872 the feds sold Phelps Dodge 155 acres near the town for $875 despite an estimate, by the dark-souled company, that the land could produce up to $160 million in profits over 10 years. Fractional ownership?
“That’s a pretty good chunk of land for the money,” said Marigold Sonovobitche, a realtor from Vermont who now lives here. “That was public land owned by the people of the United States who had no say whatsoever in the transfer. I just hope Snodgrass is safe from the mining companies so that the ski area can expand. Imagine what rumbling ore trucks will do to all the trophy homes dotting the hills above Mt Crested Butte?”
None of the companies who got in on the recent windfall will pay the federal gov’ment so much as a penny for the value of minerals extracted. Newmont Mining, located in Denver, has claimed an estimated 350,000 acres of public land in the western United States while Canadian and Australian companies round out the top ten recipients on mineral welfare.
“Hopefully we won’t have to deal with all that if there’s no more molybdenum,” said Harriet Condo who admits that it’s far more enjoyable riding bikes and skiing than monitoring the federal government.
“Why can’t they just mine in Gunnison?” she asked. “People down there like that sort of thing. Why can’t those bad ol’ Canadians go back to Canada or wherever they’re from? Why can’t the US invade other countries that have molybdenum and leave Crested Butte alone?”
The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency estimates that mine wastes contaminate 40 percent of western headwaters. The agency adds that taxpayers should pay the $35 billion cleanup bill that is increasing daily. That’s a tough solution to a problem that won’t just go away. The mining companies won’t clean up after themselves.
“We’re not against normal growth but tough love at less than a dollar an acre is just another taxpayer rip-off,” added Sonovobitche.
– Alabaster Max