All Entries Tagged With: "Rockies"
Little Cone Calm Once More
(Norwood, CO Mountain Tantrums May 5, 2016)
After raging out of control for most of the spring the once dormant volcano, Little Cone, appears to have returned to the 2400-year cycle and ceased eruptions. Since late March the rambunctious rock formation has discharged over five cubic miles of white ash and black lava, but has not generated any earthquakes as of yet.
Geothermal experts were shocked at the fury of Little Cone, a teen-aged mountain that was thought to be a bit of a wallflower, an enigma in light of the associations she kept on the Sneffels and Wilson Ranges. For centuries Little Cone sat by childishly while the other mountains made their marks and did all the work.
For some time it appeared Little Cone would have things her way, gushing lava into the canyons and river bottoms, destroying the countryside. Then, without warning the eruption terminated and the birds began to sing again.
Although generally found near seacoasts volcanoes like Little Cone and her brother Lone Cone (known as Strombolian volcanoes since they feature thicker lava from which gas is released with explosive intensity) are also located in belts of weakness in the earth’s crust near great mountain chains.
Little Cone began blowing her top in March and became potent almost overnight. At first residents were fascinated with the light show but soon saw the dangers therein. Several virgins (they said they were virgins) were sacrificed to a host of hastily concocted gods and demons that were reputed to have an inside track with someone who had minor influence on Little Cone.
This morning a land bridge or spatter cone, composed of three parts lapilli and one part volcanic ash, has effectively connected the Twin Cities of Naturita and Nucla with the plush bedroom communities of Bedrock and Paradox.
“We could be seeing the formation of the world’s largest pumice dam,” said a volcano watcher stationed on what used to be called Norwood Hill.
– Merv Ditchwater
“Podran cortar todas las flores, pero no podrán detener la primavera.”
-Pablo Neruda
Ozone Afterburners
Stopped short in the grab
for the aerosol can in 1966.
I’ll just stink today,
smell like me
instead and see
who might just notice
the spray shadow
that ain’t no more there.
.
Then stopping stark outside
I’ll reek like the rotted ozone
in full retreat
from a Russian winter
from a hellish summer.
As an antiperspirant jet
streaks across the evening sky,
it’s pilots sure of
round-the-clock protection.
Solar Spill Contained
(Ridgway, CO — Rocky Mountain Sunbeams — May 3, 2016)
A solar spill has silently crept over unprotected crevices of the Cimarron Ridge hitting the town of Ridgway at about 6:11 am this morning, doing no damage whatsoever. Within moments civil and volunteer personnel had matters well in hand and everything returned to normal with a pancake breakfast in the park.
In what had been called a code golden/almost pink by local authorities, the drifty hue covered sections of the ground then disappeared unannounced into the shifting shade as the sun reached higher into the sky.
In what many laughed off as a daily occurrence, the sun spill was visible from Ouray, some ten miles south. Most residents there were reportedly “far from alarmed, going about their business like normal according to the local paper.
Readers may recall an even more serious solar spill that hit the coast of France at La Rochelle, in the Bay of Biscay in 2009, causing no damage and forcing no one from his home. Resident there too took the spill lightly and many ended up taking refuge on the beach until the danger passed.
– Julianne Pettifogger
Skunk Shortage Worries Officials
(Ouray — Black and White Gazette — May 2, 2016)
A drastically reduced skunk population in these hills has leaders here scurrying around trying to cover the bases. A wet winter, combined with cooler evening temperatures in the early spring may have driven the aromatic mammals into the Badlands of New Mexico and could create a serious imbalance in Colorado.
“Normally we can monitor the healthy skunk population by inversion mathematics,” said a Department of Transportation biological source. “For decades it has been our practice to count the road kill on Mondays and divide by 12 to determine a monthly projection. “This year everything began like normal, and then in September we noticed a chronic drop in highway pancakes. It’s all quite frightening.”
It was not clear how the diminished population would affect summer celebrations such as Fourth of July. Already promoters are expressing concern over a less than skunky Ice Festival. Principles were quick to deny that the current skunk crisis had anything to do with the legalization of marijuana in Colorado.
In order to take advantage of skunk resources leaders stressed that every man, woman and child in Colorado must cooperate with local organizations intent on conserving our skunk packs. Some expressed guarded concern that the additional skunks might have to be purchased from Utah so as to make it through this calamity.
– Small Mouth Bess
Ridgway Energy Efficient
(Cow Creek, CO) The Carbon Boot Print – Spring 2027) — May 1, 2016)
The Environment Protection Militia today proclaimed the City of Ridgway (pop 130,000) as Energy Efficient. The esteemed honor has been bestowed on very few communities nationwide.
The status is linked to the construction of a giant dome stretching from Colona (annexed in 2021) to West Dallas Creek to Enchanted Mesa all the way south to Ouray (incorporated by the Ridgway Town Council in 2024). Built of adobe, aluminum cans, tires, bottles and old clothes donated by the Double RL Consortium, the dome is one of the largest such structures on the planet.
The only winterized version (designed cows, protection from ozone damage, kinky kiosks and trendy cafes be damned) that is larger is the neighboring Ski Dallas Indoor Mountain Vintage Mobile Cosmic Surgery Complex that, at 23 degrees Celsius, can help feed Utah and preserve local snow from back as far as 1996.
Since Ridgway outlawed the use of fossil fuels last winter the town has stayed warm by burning local deer fence posts and large bales of straw donated by the now defunct DEA.
– Dick “Roller” Derby
