All Entries Tagged With: "Rockies"

Daylight Saving Time Warning

(Ouray) Colorado residents are reminded that the change from Rocky Mountain to Daylight Saving Time could seriously distort normal cocktail hours this summer.

“People engaged in that sort of thing should be aware that a small adjustment may be necessary to alleviate confusion,” said Andrea Rotweiller, of Clockmosis, a troll Pueblo public relations firm hired to promote longer days and shorter nights.

Rotweiller suggests that imbibers start earlier in the afternoon and continue later into the evening at first to get comfortable with the new time and than drop back to a comfortable, robotic level by, say July or August.

People who do not recognize happy hour or those who tend to drink all day were not undressed by the warning and should go on about their business as if nothing had happened.

“So, let me get this straight…you allow these priests, these shamans, to speak to your gods on your behalf?”

   –  Potato Angel’s question posed to the Inca upon arrival in Cusco, January, 1491. in “Greetings From The Spanish Inquisition” by Melvin Garibaldi O’Toole. Testosterone Bros., Boston.

Salvaging Comun 13—Medellin, Colombia

The price tag on hope

Back in the early part of this new century, Comun 13 was still the most dangerous neighborhood in a notorious city called Medellin. Things have changed.

Comun 13, along with most of Medellin, has put on a new face with bright eyes and an ongoing conversation about a brighter future up the hill in Barrio San Javier.

Pop culture is alive and well in San Javier. Street art and music have rescued the neighborhood

Hope begets pride and pride begets quality of life.

No one here will tell you that the job is completed. There is still danger about. There is still poverty. But now there is real community and a drastic cut in the social ills that plagued this once steep, crime-ridden hill crammed with brick houses and winding stairways.

Art, along with Hip-Hop, saved the city. It gave people an outlet to express themselves. We’re not talking some strung-out bozo with a can of spray paint.  We’re talking about exploding talent gracing these once dodgy walls and perilous walkways, once home to guerrillas, drug cartels and paramilitary killers. All the gangs aren’t gone. All the hoodlums aren’t gone but at least now people aren’t afraid to come out of their houses at night.

Stairways that once led to danger now lead to a cold beer and vibrant commerce

It all started by building well-stocked libraries with workshops and internet access right there in the long ignored slums. Then came the roofed escalators (part of the Metro that carries millions of people per day) which allowed easier access to other parts of town and encouraged general assimilation and employment all over Medellin.

Street art abounds in Comun 13

Then came the tourists who now flock to this quirky, spectacular area creating an burgeoning economy within the reinvigorated community. Bars, coffee houses and restaurants (quaint epicenters for idle hours) are popping up daily. Knowledgeable residents charm the visitors and delve into the dark history that, until recently, dominated the scene here. Soccer fields and basketball courts beckon in what was vacant space. Houses are again being painted. Streets are cleaned. People are moving back.

This miracle on a hill west of Medellin was not cheap but it appears to have been a stroke of genius. Cities in the US would do well to take note, even though they are under the thumb of a nation that spends billions on bombs and little on brains. Some of the more progressive locales already understand that a better life is something we all deserve and that without community there is nothing.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness has found an anomalous champion in what was once a ghetto of despondency.

– Kevin Haley

You write the caption and win!

Help us write an appropriate caption for the above photo. Look closely and you will see who is who. 4 main characters are missing from the photo. Hint: Hollywood set in 1938.

Pew Poll Robs Peter to Pay Paul

(Montrose) In the most recent Pew Poll, taken at local kneeling places over the weekend, Good holds a narrow margin over Evil. Principals in the polling admit that their survey is not entirely scientific since it targets faithful kneelers who are regular visitors and users of the religious apparatus.

“People with knees or feet sticking out cannot be counted, nor can people who are standing or sitting,” said one pollster. “Them that stayed in bed or don’t go to church at all have been written off and no consulted at all on these matters.”

Good, generally represented by a Supreme Power netted a 51% approval rating compared to Evil, represented by Demonic Darkness filed a 46% response. A surprising 3% remain undecided as of Monday morning.

“It’s difficult to comprehend how anyone could be undecided with all the publicity and everything,” continued the pollster who conceded that absentee ballots from beyond the grave would not be counted until after next week’s sermon entitled “Exporting Democracy”.

Although the polls have been conducted exclusively in Christian domains researchers insist they are valid.

“Some of the pagans have complained that the choices are far too limited,” said the poll source. “They’d like to see all the Hindu gods represented or maybe the Sun and the Moon as well. I’m just glad the enlightened are masterminding these returns or we’d have anarchy at the altar.”

At present respondents have the choice between God and Lucifer, with the other members of the metaphysical elite taking a back seat. Unless something major goes down between now and the final appraisal experts expect things to remain about the same.

“We’ve got a Supreme, all-powerful being who can’t seem to shake his adversary from the depths while the Evil One is impotent just so long as the Good Guy is on the heavenly throne,” said the pollster. “It’s a constant struggle that takes place in the heart of every human, every day. A stalemate of these proportions is unthinkable yet horns have been locked since First Light. It’s no wonder people are confused.”

– Estelle Marmotbreath

Horseshoe to open bureau on Mars

(Hellas Basin) The San Juan Horseshoe has announced that it will merge existing journalistic efforts, synchronizing control of most media west and south of Noachis Terra the scene of recent unrest on the Red Planet. The news bureau will be responsible for daily news, peppered with a few feature pieces relating to the burgeoning populations of Lunea Planum.

Thanks to the efforts of Pathfinder and Viking I the popular website will be available to anyone with Internet access. It is seen as a diplomatic gesture aimed at combating the influence of Russia and China who have stationed a skeleton crew of reporters on Venus and Saturn respectively.

Although no decision has been reached on the editor position most polled say it will be Roo Glant, a Japanese-Martian, a stickler on political analysis with extensive experience covering and interpreting galactic policy.

The bureau will include news, weather and sports as part of the daily while the impressive retinue of scribes is sure to dazzle readers all the way to Pluto.

“It’s a grand day for press freedoms,” said one reporter. “From up here it’s easy to see what’s going on down on our mother planet. Let’s hope we’ve learned not to make the same mistakes up here.”

The page is accessible through www.sanjuanhorseshoe.com/martianbureau.

It’s just those progressives building another stupid pyramid

“Don’t pay these pyramid-building elitists any attention. We have far more important and better things to do: Let’s sacrifice a calf to the Sun God and make Egypt great again.”