All Entries Tagged With: "Road construction marches on in Colorado"

C-DOT DECISIONS MADE IN SANDBOX

(Denver) A majority of choices directly effecting Department of Transportation policies are made by small children according to secret documents discovered strewn along Highway 50 in Gunnison County. The decisions, often resulting in nightmares for travelers attempting to negotiate strategic regions under construction, are formulated by toddlers playing with toy trucks and steam shovels.

“These disclosures begin to shed some light on the approach to road construction,” said Rocky Flats, a retired toll road engineer and nearly the founder of nearby Sapinero Waterworld.

“When one watches road crews tear up stretches of highway at the height of summer tourist season it sets you thinking,” he continued. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to build the road in portions or work at night so as not to create such a traffic glut?”

Flats criticized the highway hierarchy but admitted that the children, unlike most DOT officials, at least had some hands on experience in the sand box.

“At least they understand the concept of space and gravity,” he said

“Nor are they afraid to get their hands dirty and they do a great job simulating the sounds of heavy equipment,” he smiled. “we can comprehend a limited attention span on the part of pre-schoolers much easier than digesting the reality of incompetence within the ranks of leading DOT bosses.”

In a related piece Colorado Governor Jared Polis announced today that future speed limits in the state would be set by members of the underworld since nobody else seems to possess a logical formula for these guidelines.

“The syndicate bosses are quite gifted when it comes to devising postulates that we all can live with,” said the governor, waving off references to corpus delicti infringements allegedly tied to highway surfacing. “Besides, the mafia generally votes Democrat, you know with the unions and all.”

Polis defended the current road widening operation, in lieu of building a four-lane highway, saying that the little kids in the sand box could not count that high. Several local critics concluded that C-DOT could not manipulate these numbers either.

– Suzie Compost