All Entries Tagged With: "pot growing on federal land"

WARNING TO BACKPACKERS

The United States Forest and Logging Service has determined that there are at least 200 million illegal marijuana plants currently being cultivated in our federally administered national forests. If you are confronted by one of these evil weeds on the trail do not attempt to apprehend the highly addictive narcotic on your own. Call the sheriff. If you do not have a mobile phone in your backpack simply drop a postcard upon your arrival home. Please specify the exact coordinates so as to facilitate recommended bombing or artillery assaults. If you are attacked by startled plant do not retreat. Avoid eye contact, wave your arms in the air and puff yourself up bigger than life. If that doesn’t work, carefully approach the plant from its blind side and hack it to pieces, assuring that it will never fall into the wrong hands.

                                                      – A message from your National Forests and your local DEA.