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Plastic diapers blamed for behavior disorders

Hemp the Savior?

(Yellow Rock) The use of plastic disposable diapers is being blamed for the rise in insanity in civilized cultures according to pediatricians from here to Brownsville. Aside from the obvious psychological damage that occurs when baby is left too long in any soiled duds the employment of disposable diapers may be the root of  the rampant social disorder  that has plagued the planet since turn of the last century.

     Pop culturalists agree that plastic diapers made their opening statement in 1948 and were embraced by mothers (and fathers) who could afford what was considered a luxury. 

Despite the great invention, trouble was ahead. No diapers to wash but was baby different than before? Were these diapers really such a good idea? Were infants wearing these disposables losing ground both physically and mentally due to chemicals and plastic embracing their sensitive skin? Were babies becoming psychopathic because they wore disposable crotch threads?

     Some doctors say that a baby experiences gratification and security by touch at a young age. What can we expect when he or she is living in plastic and adhesive instead of soft cotton and safety pins? Super-absorbent polymers, resealable tape, elastic waistbands. Was this the stuff of cribs and changing tables in the future?

     Navel intelligence tells us there is less than 10% collateral damage here but is not clear what harm is done by the very nature of the garment. Unfortunately the key witnesses who are still parading around in disposable diapers are not likely to have mastered the language at that young age and thus cannot to tell us much about the nitty gritty reality.

     Then there is the environmental impact. Disposable is a two-headed monster and convenience comes at a high price. In just a dozen years discarded plastic diapers would account for 1.5% of the municipal waste in the country. In 2050 the diapers pitched in a landfill today will just begin biodegrading.

     One solution is to begin producing diapers from hemp which is comfortable, sturdy, cheap and last virtually forever. Although many parents are hesitant due to ignorance of hemp which has long been associated with the drug culture. Hemp diapers are ecologically friendly and cost a fraction of the plastic variety. Yes, they must be washed but considering the fiscal and environmental benefits it is clearly worth it. Already astronauts, the incontinent and a host of little circus dogs have been wearing hemp nappies for years to glowing reports. The more industrial versions have been known to  empower  Democrats to present longer speeches and control Wikileaks in aging Republicans.

     One researcher, speaking on the condition that he not be associated with diapers of any kind said, “Virtually everyone in civilized society has worn plastic diapers and everyone is basically nuts.”

– Dag Katz