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Town Council Passes Tennis Ball Ordinance

(Ouray) In an attempt to curtail the hoarding of tennis balls by local canine, the Ouray Town Council today voted to limit the number of balls to three per dog. Acting unanimously, the legislators agreed that the matter had reached crisis proportions and that swift action was needed to alter acutely obsessive behavior.

     Local dogs can now legally possess only three tennis balls, which are to be stored on site and clearly displayed for inspection by officials. Canines found with the rubber contraband among their food dishes, blankets and walking apparel will be confined or tied up until the matter can be resolved. Repeated infractions will result in fines levied on owners.

     “Dog court will inherit most of the accumulation cases although aggravated episodes may fall under civil jurisdiction,” said Rover Katz, interim city dogcatcher. “Part of the problem is that other communities in the county have yet to initiate these progressive dictates on conduct and unknowingly provide safe havens for the criminal element right under our noses.”

     Many residents, both dog owners and others agree that something had to be done.

     “We have dogs living here that have as many as 10 to 20 tennis balls hidden in bushes, dropped under porches and defiantly left out in the sun to rot,” said one woman who says she prefers cats.

     “I’m all for dogs having a good time and all but three tennis balls should certainly be enough to entertain even the most neurotic canine,” added a local man who raises exotic Chihuahuas. “Most of my dogs are too small to get a tennis ball into their mouths so let them play with rubber marbles instead. We’ve only had one incident in fifteen years where a dog swallowed one. I sure hope marbles aren’t included in the restrictions.”

     Critics of the ordinance say the town has no right to extend limitations on private property. They pledge to fight the new laws on the grounds that every dog should have his day, as clearly documented in state and federal precepts.

     Meanwhile many dog owners here have enrolled their pets in Balls Anonymous, an organization that seeks to integrate dog skills and positive self worth, confronting the deeper demons of addiction.