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Green thumbs labeled anarchists

(Olathe) Persons with green thumbs tend to be anarchists warns Senator Oral Noise of the Liberal Fascist Party. He says statistics collected over the past decade indicate that people who grow gardens are less likely to go along with the flow and often strike out their own path.

     “We can’t have that,” says Noise.

     Tendencies within this wide range of the population generally indicate a lack of dependency on institutions and a desire to be self-sufficient. As one green thumb advocate puts it: “A man with an acre in corn and cucumbers is less likely to sign up for food stamps.”

     Noise who supports a proposal limiting the size of family gardens says many green thumb horticulturists are growing marijuana and guilty of tax evasion to boot.

     Some of them will sell a bag of butter beans for up to $2 and not pay a lick of tax,” he growled.

     Noise favors a plan that would set up a chain of corporate collective farms where the gov’ment could keep a closer eye on planting and production.

     In a related development the Montrose City Council failed to agree on request that developers must grow gardens when they destroy former pastureland to build subdivisions. The mandatory proposal, a brainchild of the local Organic Communist Party, calls for roughly one acre of green garden for each block of houses.

     “We already name our streets after local environmentalists and county commissioners,” said one developer. “Isn’t that enough?”