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Flatulent Minstrel Banned from Gunnison Valley

(Parlin) A somewhat renown singer and songwriter, Melvin Ata-Toole, has been excluded from 2026 summer music venues here due to well documented digestive complications. According to leading festival promoters and local musicians, the decision is a good one.

     “Our summer tourism economy is still somewhat fragile and cannot maintain a quality composure with people like this running around,” said Debbie Trumpet from the seasonal, yet prestigious Ohio City Philharmonic Kazoo Ensemble. “This Ata-Toole should seek professional help or change his diet.”

     Although tickets for a Montrose show were sold out in two hours, the Gunnison County people are holding fast, especially with resounding whispers that Ata-Toole bought them up himself.

     Late today the Pitkin Civil Liberties Union said it did not want any part of this conflict, citing irreconcilable issues such as aromatic disturbances and noise ordinance violations common to the presence of the aging crooner.

     Ata-Toole, the dethroned Duke of Earl, had no comment on the proceedings. He, as most of us know, is independently wealthy, living a lavish life on funds from the sale of gas wells in the Twin Cities of Nucla and Naturita.

-Princess Irm Peawit