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Removing fossil fuels good for Mother Nature say petroleum companies

This day in history: The Magma Carbona was signed by Price Exxon, Donald of Orange and the local nobility to maintain fossil fuel prices. The prestigious group then gave the secondary tier unheard of freedoms but no more human attendant/service at the pump. “Can I check your oil?” Is a thing of the past in the Greatest Country in the World.

In the official statement: The drilling for oil and the extraction of natural gas actually relieve painful pressure at the earth’s core. Equated to a bad stomach ache that pressure is removed with the loving hands of geologists and con men from all over the globe. Without the tedious and expensive removal of these elements the earth could not remain flat and the sun would fall from the sky.

And for all you religious enthusiasts: Remember: Many early Christians made a small fortune from fossil fuel investments. Many apostles died quite wealthy.” – from The Sermon on the Gout by strip mall preacher Avery Sibadde.

Source: Natural Oil and Organic Fossil Fuel (Formerly British Petroleum of Tehran). We’re listed right after Stonehenge in the Isle of Mann phone book.