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Looking for God in all the wrong places

To the editor:

Does anyone out there have God’s phone number?

Does The Supreme Being finally have a cell phone?

Does anyone out there have the new number?

I really need to talk to him pronto.

Pistachio Pete, General Delivery, Limbo

No and yes but at this time God ain’t given’ it out.

And for a local Local Twist on the eternal question:

Pharisee to speak

(Montrose) Highly regarded spiritual war monger, the Rev. Phil Pharisee of the Love Temple of Self-Absorption and Sacrificial Assimilation will address the piercing question: Does God Have a Cell Phone? on Friday night at the Armageddon Bingo Hall on East Main. Parking is free and cold cuts will be served. Bring a covered fish.

“There are no windows in tipis.”   – Captain Jack, Ute Chief