All Entries Tagged With: "CURES FOR GIARDIA MAY INCLUDE GIN"

GIN EFFECTIVE CURE FOR GIARDIA SAY DOCS

According to a recent press release from the Armenian Medical Association, the liberal application of gin at regular intervals is the fastest, most effective cure for the malady known as giardia. The findings come after almost thirty years of major yak research conducted somewhere in Asia Minor.

     A giardia is known to be the parasite found in mountain streams and rivers during run-off. It enters the ecosystem via the daily deposits of herd animals, angry at the current pecking order and at the human race in general. They blame most of their ills on people and are quite religious in their output capacities.

     Symptoms of the dreaded illness include headaches, cramps, diarrhea, fever and other unpleasantness not conducive living the good life.

     According to people in physicians’ outfits at Makhachkala Research Institute, juniper-distilled gin acts as a deterrent to the aims of the parasite, often rendering both the intruder, and the host, babbling fools. It is at that exact point that the human body’s red corpuscles kick into fourth gear and effectively exorcise the freeloader from the system. Once extracted he is shunned by fellow parasites and must leave town.

     “It’s a lot like watching drunks get thrown out of the bar on Bonanza or Gunsmoke,” said one physician whose only exposure to American culture is through the television set in the emergency room at a local hospital. “It is both an educational and a rewarding sight to behold.”

     The researchers went on to warn that the regular abuse of gin could invite other problems such as ulcers, blindness and premature senility, but that this is not likely.

     “Just be certain that the gin is iced down properly and served with a minuscule splash of vermouth for proper digestion,” continued the press release. “An olive or two would be of great value as well,” it said.

     One local doctor called the entire concept of gin curing giardia “nothing but poppycock” yet was quick to add that if someone was already taking this prescribed medication they would be well advised to complete the treatment.

– Rex Monteleone

“I remember when Cripple Creek and Central City were nice places.”  – Susie Compost