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Canned Laughter Pulled From Shelves

(Ridgway) Grocery stores and supermarkets will begin pulling canned laughter from their shelves Monday as part of the generically enhanced Federal Uniformity Act, passed late last night.

     The presence of sound-track mirth, invented in the early Fifties and once considered an integral part of the Americana Experience, has been determined to be far too diverse for the consumer. The mandatory removal will be followed up by the release of more uniform entertainment response apparatus aimed at making the citizenry more alert to the dangers posed by foreign comics and those who point and laugh at the present gov’ment.

     “It’s all about perception,” said one grocer who supports the effort. “We still have frozen chuckles and freeze-dried smirks for the die-hard but we’d like to see a populace not reliant on mindless prompts. Sheep are not known for guffawing. We need people who can decide when to laugh and what to laugh about. Isn’t that the core of Democracy?”

     Persons hoping to stockpile canned laughter for the popular giggle and hooting season have until the weekend to do so. Quantities are limited.  

– Melvin Toole